Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Gold Sheets

The exterior of a typical Kohl's department st...Image via Wikipedia
I have had the same sheets since I first went to college in the fall of 2003. It has been almost nine years! So I decided I needed some new ones. Kohl's was having a sale. Perfect opportunity.

After searching for what seemed hours, I picked some brown sheets. I was looking for something a bit lighter, but it was no big deal. However, when I went to put them on my bed I noticed how shiny they are. Oh geez! I bought gold sheets! Why did it have to be so dark in that damned place?

Now I have gold sheets. Great. Who do I think I am? Freaking Nino Brown? A pimp? A vampire? I am not a drug dealer because I have seen the documentary, Scarface. And I am no longer a pimp because, I found out, it ain't easy.

That leaves vampire. Crap. So I bought tons of those tall, skinny candle holder things. What are they called? Oh right, candlestick holders. And I bought some goblets from which to drink. Blood (that is not my own) tastes pretty gross though. To solve that problem I purchased many gallons of Hawaiian Punch. That will have to do. I also bought a leather jacket.

Long story short: I have gold sheets and am a vampire.

The End.
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