Saturday, July 31, 2010

Miami Douchebags

Lebron is worse than Hitler and another midget Hitler combined.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

The Most Insulting People I've Ever Been Told I Look Like

A few times in my life I have been called some...not flattering things, especially as it pertains to my appearance. Why would someone who isn't mad at me tell me something so messed up? I don't know. These are the worst two. And they are terrible.

1) Egon Spengler from Ghostbusters (as played by Harold Ramis)
I have tried my whole life to not look or act like Egon. Then I say ONE science-y thing and boom! My mom brings this comparison out. But  it still is only the second most insulting comparison.







2) Steve Buscemi
This one really made me want to take a cheese grater to my face. Seriously. What possessed the person who told me I looked like him to do it? I will never know. But it haunts me to this day... I am way better looking than Steve freakin' Buscemi! (And even then I still fall in the "ugly" category, but still!)





These are two of the ugliest guys ever! Damn! Now if you'll excuse me, I am off to find a really high cliff from which to jump.
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If you could have ANY animal as a pet, what would it be?

En: Belgian draft horse, Denmark *Da: Belgisk ...Image via Wikipedia
I am doing this thing where you post a blog entry everyday. National Blog Posting Month writes some the prompts and I will do the posting. This is the first one for me.

I've never had a pet before. So I have no gauge for what kind of pet I would like. But I rode a horse like two times and I'll choose that. Not just any kind of horse though. It would have to be a part robot horse. And it will have wheels so it goes super fast! What else?

Music. I need music. The robot horse will have to have a sound system. And it gets hot here. I will need some sort of air conditioning. Maybe some extra seats to put my stuff. Also, a steering wheel and...oh crap, my horse is just a car.

If I could have any animal as a pet, it would be a car.
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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Pimpin'

Pimpin' PherneliaI'm totally this guy all the time, forever.
Manager: How's the life? How's the pimpin' life?
Me: Well it's certainly not that...
Manager: You're not pimpin?
Me: Unless I am without noticing, then no.
Manager: Don't you have girls lining up?
Me: What? No. What?
Manager: If you were you would know.
Me: Um, okay...
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Thursday, July 1, 2010

The World Is Ending ABC

Domenico Beccafumi's Inferno: a Christian visi...So this is my first attempt at a poem. Each line starts with a letter of the alphabet in alphabetical order. And the first letter of each word shares the same letter as the other letters in that line (with a few deviations). I did not know where I was going with this, but after the first two lines I decided it would be about an apocalyptic world. I think it works okay. Eh.

After an atrocious attempt at actualizing the afterlife,
Before breathing broken bottles by blazing bricks,
Comfortably confined, casually contained,
Disaster dared decide to dole
Everything ever, even equating exciting, esoteric events
From Forthcoming Fathers fanning famous flames
Grotesquely growing grey guns given gaily,
He hid, having heard howling. However High Heaven has held
Inside itself immense items invincible, incredible, indestructible,
Just jokingly in justice-jeweled jasmine jars.
Knowingly kept kaleidoscopic kittens
Loom, laugh, looking like little listless leopards.
More men march, making money moving monkeys,
None needing nourishment, nuking nothing nicely.
Over one ocean only the occasional ostrich opens,
Pauses, pulling planks to post, probably plastered,
Quite quixotic, quickly quitting.
Read rightly rash ravings, rotten reviews ruling Romans.
Sometimes sensors signal safety sponsors something.
They take their toll, time totally taken, tactfully
United, ultimately useless, ugly undulations under untimely
Values. Very vociferous, violent voices vote.
With winners wondering where went the warmth,
Xmas x-rays of
Youthful yuletide yearnings
Zap the zebras.

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