Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Last night I "added my hometown" to Facebook. See?
But I've never really felt like that is my hometown despite the fact that I lived there for the vast majority of my life. I just never fit in with the city or the people. I'm not sure what makes it so people feel a part of the city; I just know I have never felt that. For instance, I despise and can not stand pretty much everything everybody in El Paso loves:

  1. Chico's Tacos
  2. UTEP
  3. Dallas Cowboys
  4. Los Angeles Lakers
  5. being obese
On top of all that I don't like any of the radio stations. I'm not Mexican, have no interest in Mexico and don't speak spanish. I hate the heat and the lack of rain, not to mention the ugly rocks they call mountains, Texas in general, big, stupid trucks and dirt, all the damn dirt. All of it is ugly.
El Paso Skyline as seen from Scenic DriveImage via Wikipedia

Really, the only place I like in El Paso is my parents' home. I'm comfortable there and it's where I spend all my time whenever I have to be in the city. With a few exceptions, most of the people in town are obnoxious and stupid. What's worse is they are proud of it!

So now I'm in Las Cruces and I like it more. But I still don't fit in really. There was actually a time when I had a group I fit in with! That is over, but at least I know it's possible, even if only for a short time.

A lot of it has to do with my being so anti-social. I over-think simple things (like saying hi to people), so I just don't do them. And I know I don't have the right "look" to fit in with most groups. I'm not up to date on contemporary music or movies (I "discover" albums that are 40 years old and to me they're new. Nobody else has a frame of reference for appreciating underground garage rock and psychedelic albums though and they don't care).

I often wonder if there is a place for me somewhere. Maybe in a different city I might meet people more like me or perhaps people who can accept my eccentricities. I used to worry about that never happening (like throughout my childhood and into college). Now I know it won't happen here and I rarely give it a second thought. Music and movies, sports, daydreams and work take up all my mind and there isn't too much room in there to accommodate others.

The End.
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