Saturday, June 26, 2010

This Box Is Very Aggressive

Why are you so angry, box?

Lonely Stroller

I saw this tonight in the Walmart parking lot at a little past one in the morning. Apparently they left the stroller, but thankfully took the baby. Or perhaps the baby, in an act reminiscent of Rugrats, escaped the restraints and is on a quest to rejoin its family. This could be the Las Cruces version of Home Alone 2, Joe Dirt and every Toy Story movie...all rolled into one (and staring a baby). I hope its the latter. Please let it be the latter!
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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Home

Last night I "added my hometown" to Facebook. See?
But I've never really felt like that is my hometown despite the fact that I lived there for the vast majority of my life. I just never fit in with the city or the people. I'm not sure what makes it so people feel a part of the city; I just know I have never felt that. For instance, I despise and can not stand pretty much everything everybody in El Paso loves:

  1. Chico's Tacos
  2. UTEP
  3. Dallas Cowboys
  4. Los Angeles Lakers
  5. being obese
On top of all that I don't like any of the radio stations. I'm not Mexican, have no interest in Mexico and don't speak spanish. I hate the heat and the lack of rain, not to mention the ugly rocks they call mountains, Texas in general, big, stupid trucks and dirt, all the damn dirt. All of it is ugly.
El Paso Skyline as seen from Scenic DriveImage via Wikipedia

Really, the only place I like in El Paso is my parents' home. I'm comfortable there and it's where I spend all my time whenever I have to be in the city. With a few exceptions, most of the people in town are obnoxious and stupid. What's worse is they are proud of it!

So now I'm in Las Cruces and I like it more. But I still don't fit in really. There was actually a time when I had a group I fit in with! That is over, but at least I know it's possible, even if only for a short time.

A lot of it has to do with my being so anti-social. I over-think simple things (like saying hi to people), so I just don't do them. And I know I don't have the right "look" to fit in with most groups. I'm not up to date on contemporary music or movies (I "discover" albums that are 40 years old and to me they're new. Nobody else has a frame of reference for appreciating underground garage rock and psychedelic albums though and they don't care).

I often wonder if there is a place for me somewhere. Maybe in a different city I might meet people more like me or perhaps people who can accept my eccentricities. I used to worry about that never happening (like throughout my childhood and into college). Now I know it won't happen here and I rarely give it a second thought. Music and movies, sports, daydreams and work take up all my mind and there isn't too much room in there to accommodate others.

The End.
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Monday, June 21, 2010

My Greatest Tweet Ever

Hey, want to piss me off? Just be obnoxious! One day I wrote this on Twitter:






Then Red Bull of all people decides to reply for some reason and when I saw that I got a bit angry:


So...go to hell Red Bull Energy Shots. "Just PULL IT OUT." I guess if I was a frat guy I would laugh hysterically at that. "Pull it out! It sounds like they're talking about a penis! Har har har, bro!" Plus, how would pulling anything out, penis or Red Bull, get me empathy? Just go die, Red Bull Shots. (Also, my boss that day was a woman.)
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Happy Father's Day

It was yesterday? Damn it!

If my last name were Normal, I would totally have a bunch of kids and name them all Abby the way George Foreman names all his kids George.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

ABC's New Show Should Jump Off the Side of a Building and Die Forever

The logo of the American Broadcasting Company ...Image via Wikipedia
Downfall and everyone involved with that show. Fuck You. Seriously. ABC, how the hell are you going to air a show where if the contestant does not win you break the prize? Fuck You. It is just so damn wasteful. You are the dumbest fucking network on t.v. Throw your stupid vampire show off the side of a building and jump after it. Fuck You.



This shit isn't extreme, it's just stupid. Fuck You. And fuck anyone who watches this shit.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Family Guy: Oh Yeah, I Hate That Thing

The Griffin family. From left to right: Brian,...
Once upon a time I watched Family Guy and enjoyed it. Now I can not even hear Stewie's voice without exploding into a violent rage (as opposed to my normal quiet rage). People talk about how funny it is all the time and I just do not understand why. So here I sit at nearly four in the morning trying to figure out what happened to me.

At first I thought maybe I have just become one of those assholes who hates things that people like (I do mostly), but I used to like the show when it came out and I vaguely remember most people my age liking it then too. Perhaps I outgrew Family Guy. By outgrow I do not mean I only believe in "high brow" humor or something. But from the time the show came out in 1999 (I was 14) to now (25) I have had the opportunity to experience many more shows, movies, comedians, etc and have expanded what I think comedy is or can be. Meanwhile, it feels to me that Family Guy has become stagnant, relying on the same stupid thing over and over again. And its boring to me now.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Relationships

18.366:  Aisle of DelightImage by Temporary Transfer via Flickr
Everybody writes about their relationships online. I thought I would try it. There's a couple of ways to do it. One can be vague and hope the person the post is intended for reads it. Or one could be specific. That's a little vulnerable though. Hm... I'll just write and see where it goes.

Have you ever loved something? It just makes you happy to be around it. Everything is great, but there's always that nagging feeling that that love is not reciprocated. You can never tell what's in another's mind, you know? Then you find out that worst that you can imagine came true. And that's where I am now.

I don't think Spaghetti Os will ever love me as much as I love them. Now I know what was supposed to go in the empty space in the middle of Spaghetti Os: a heart.
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Hamsters? Really?

Watching the NBA playoffs I have seen this Kia commercial with hamsters a million times:



It's cute, right? Well yeah, but I have some problems with it. For one, the vehicle is just plain ugly. Why anybody would want to drive something that looks like a box is beyond me. Some of the hamsters are riding in a toaster. Why? Is that something hamsters do, hang out in toasters? Do people say, "Dude! Your car is a toaster!" Plus, the Kia Soul actually looks like the toaster!


A little research reveals the toaster and washing machine images are "a nod to automotive lingo that dismisses dull cars as "appliances.'" Okay. But I saw the commercial repeatedly and never had any idea that the appliances reference was a thing.

And if I saw giant hamsters riding around in cars I would be terrified! Imagine seeing those things in person. You would not be thinking they were cute in their hip-hop clothing. You would be afraid of these mutated things! And maybe they have guns! You could never be sure! Behind those cute eyes there is the heart of a killer. They want to take over our planet. Perhaps we can bargain with them by giving them our crappy cars! For instance...the Kia Soul.




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