Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Goodbye Google Buzz

So after trying Google Buzz for awhile I have decided to quit. At first I was interested since I use so many Google products, but it is just tedious and boring. Nobody I know was using it and all the people that followed me (who I also followed back) posted nothing interesting. Most of them were just promoting some blog or whatever they were working on (and most of the blogs were about social networking).

Still I am on Twitter and many of the same arguments could be made about that. The difference to me is people I know are on Twitter and my many of my favorite athletes and actors/actresses are too. I can usually get at least a few interesting items a day out of Twitter and I just did not find Buzz to be the same.

Mostly Buzz just became something to clear out of Reader and Gmail...kind of the way you would do with spam. Sorry Google. But I still love a lot of your other stuff!

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Sunday, May 23, 2010

Why Does This Girl Hate Me So Much?

Commercials are supposed to make you want to buy something, but I find myself tuning them out. Sometimes I will see a commercial on tv dozens of times before I finally notice for whom the ad is. And increasingly I discover myself not being swayed to buy something, but rather, to not buy something. Basically, if I think your commercial sucks, or it annoys me, I am not buying what you are selling.

And here is the newest ad that just makes me not want to buy this stuff ever. This is supposed to be "The Girlfriend," the perfect girl. Yet everything she says is the opposite of what I would want a girl to be like.



Let's take this point by point:
  1. She likes guys who have "a little fat." Damn! I don't have any. But that isn't a big deal right? She could learn to get over by lack of fat.
  2. She likes guys who have "a little bit hairy back." Damn again! I don't have a hairy back. Strike two for me. At this point I must disgust her...
  3. She likes guys who watch a lot of football. Finally! I love to watch football. But unfortunately for me I "have a job" and miss nearly all of them. I still get points for having an intention to watch a lot of football though I think.
  4. Going out with the boys. Nope. Don't do that. I really don't like hanging out with guys too much. I mean I talk to guys at work or whatever, but aside from the occasional pick up basketball game I am not "going out with the boys." Dudes are kind of disgusting (they are all fat and hairy).
  5. Going to the "striptease." I am pretty sure she means a strip club. And damn! I have never been to one of those, am not interested, and do not plan on going in the future. Strip clubs seem a little sleazy to me. And if this very attractive (and don't get me wrong, I do think she is attractive) lady is your girlfriend couldn't you just have her strip for you? I don't want to judge a book by its cover, but she does not seem like she would have a problem with that. And, again having never been to one I am not entirely sure, you aren't really allowed to have sex with the strippers, right? Another advantage to having your hot girlfriend do it. Maybe? Oh well, that was a stupid thought.
Also, I am not really into her accent. I know a lot of people (women included) are into people with accents, but hers is just annoying. Anyway I guess since this girl would hate me I can't buy Jim Beam. Sorry Jim Beam.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

What I Thought About During The Office This Week

Scranton, PA, USA, welcome sign formerly displ...Image via Wikipedia
On this past week's episode of The Office Michael said that if he had a gun with two bullets and was in a room with Bin Laden, Hitler and Toby, he would shoot Toby twice. Then everybody tried to come up with a way to kill all three with only two bullets. Dwight finally satisfied everyone with his solution: line all three shoulder to shoulder, stand on one end and shoot all three through the throat with one bullet.



That's a nice solution, but there is a better way. First you shoot Toby twice because he is just...awful. Just awful. Then you use the gun to bludgeon Bin Laden and Hitler to death. That would be fun!

The end.

Oh wait, a music video to accompany this post!


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Thursday, May 13, 2010

Arizona Is a Stupid Place

In 1908, horse-drawn buggies and wagons pepper...
In 1908, horse-drawn buggies and wagons peppered the intersection of Mesa and Mills streets in Downtown El Paso. Photo courtesy of El Paso Public Library. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I honestly can not believe how stupid Arizona is. Their governor signed a bill that targets ethnic studies programs because the programs are supposedly racist. And looking at the comments on this azcentral.com story just confirms how stupid some people are.

According to these people, studying the contributions of Hispanics is nothing less than total racism. I wish I had the opportunity to take classes like those when I was in school. In middle school we were required to take Texas History. Since I really do not like Texas I did not care for the class. Plus I lived in El Paso and we learned almost exclusively about white people and all the "awesome" things they did (like the Alamo or whatever). So I took the class, who cares really. I certainly did not.

This is from my professor's notes about the effects of advertising on women:

What is most important about women is how they look. Images of media beauty. Must be flawless Women are things. With breasts. Large breasts are important. Thin is VERY important.
It must have been difficult for him to write that with only one free hand.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Thank You for Freaking Me Out, Computer

All I wanted to do was relax and listen to Sounds of Silence, the great Simon and Garfunkel album. Suddenly I became totally disoriented because the album ended and the next artist in alphabetical order happens to be Siouxsie and the Banshees...


You should put a pause in there to let me prepare for that shift, Windows Media Player! Damn you! Now I'm all uneasy and trying to go to sleep.

I went from this:



To this:

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Febreze Cologne

Febreze logo.Image via Wikipedia
I was at work and a box full of bottles of Febreze spilled the stuff all over me. Usually when I get splashed, or sometimes even drenched, in something it is terrible. Nobody wants to smell like motor oil or salsa or vinegar all day. At least I don't. But being covered in Febreze was awesome! I smelled so good! That makes me think they should package Febreze as cologne.

Now, I actually dislike cologne or that body smell crap. Take this here, my biggest pet peeve, Axe Body Spray:



This ad essentially says, "These stupid bitches will flock to your dumb ass if you spray this terrible shit all over the place! So buy it and you can control them! All of them! Like slavery! Because they're just STUPID BITCHES! Get it!?!"

But it seems to work I guess. Everybody I run into pours the stuff all over them, choking me to death whenever I am near. Then the girls fall for that because they are dumb, everybody is dumb, and the stupid douchebag guys and the dumbass girls can make douchebag, dumbass children and the Cycle of Stupidity can continue.

Febreze smells amazing though. I would buy it if they made it a cologne. I guess that's the point here. (The other point is I despise Axe, Axe commercials, the guys who wear it and the girls who like those guys.)

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Friday, May 7, 2010

The Outsiders

The Outsiders (film)
Image via Wikipedia

Man, remember that movie The Outsiders; one of those guys' name was Soda Pop and at the time it was cool?  It's not cool right now. If your nickname was Soda Pop...you'd be dead.

-Mitch Hedberg





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Monday, May 3, 2010

Pizzasaurus

I know beef comes from cows and pork comes from pigs, but from what does pizza come? I'm thinking a pizzasaurus.


But what does a pizzasaurus look like? Using my zoological knowledge I came up with this rendition:




Also, I didn't have enough room (because I'm bad at Art); it should also be noted that the pizzasaurus has skin made of cheese and blood made of tomato sauce.