Skip to main content

New rule: No Axe Body Spray

Lynx Africa deodorant bodyspray (left) and Afr...Image via Wikipedia
If I was in charge today the world would be a better place, for me. And that's all that matters, right? (To me that is all that matters and if I am in charge then that's all that will matter to you too!)

No Axe Body Spray
Only the biggest douchebags use Axe Body Spray. They drench themselves in the stuff and it smells terrible. The commercials are terrible. "Use this and girls will attack you all the time because they're stupid as hell." Well, I've seen that episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Xander did not seem to have that great of a time. Plus, did I mention it was only used by the biggest douchebags (and the small ones too)?

No More Reality Shows or MTV
A name should mean something. Reality shows that do not depict reality are stupid. Banned. MTV just completely gave up on the "Music" part of its name. Banned.

No White Guys
I know. It sounds harsh, but hear me out. One night I got out of work and I heard this white guy say, "I'm going to the ol' Slaughter-burger if you guys want to meet up with me." It's called Whataburger, idiot. Plus, I am pretty sick of seeing those Teabaggers. So, you know what? I am a fickle dude. You guys are banned. (Sidenote: white girls can stay)

I Choose the Songs on the Radio
The music on the radio is sickening. All stations will be Pandora stations that I choose the seeds for. The end.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]


Popular posts from this blog

Philippines Vacation: Day Two

The next day, we woke up and went to the restaurant at our "hotel" for breakfast. It took some time to get it, but while we waited, we chatted up the staff and some of the other travelers. We were given ube to eat before our food arrived. Ube is a purple root that tastes great by itself. I loved it.

I’m Looking for a New Friend

Image via CrunchBase Well, one of the three actual people on my myspace top friends thing deleted his profile. That means there is a spot opening up! I don't like having people I don't know on there (even though Demetri Martin is hilarious, I don't actually know him) I will be taking applications for an undefined period of time until I find that new friend. It could be you! But it probably won't be because I expect millions of applications.

Here are some of the qualifications and requirments for the job and the honor of being one of my top friends:

1) I like peanut butter cookies. If you can make peanut butter cookies or otherwise have some way of obtaining peanut butter cookies (i.e. you can murder a baker and steal cookies, or your mom can make 'em) that would be a good start.
2) You'll have to pass the cool test which consists of liking good music (as defined by me, the upmost authority on cool), liking Arrested Development (the t.v. show) and/or 30 Rock and …

Preparing for Vietnam

Each year I get two weeks of vacation, one in the summer, one in the winter. That does not seem like a lot, and it is not, but I enjoy my job anyway. However, I really needed this vacation. We had decided to check out Vietnam on the recommendation of one of Jackie's coworkers. He really loved the place. Over the course of the next few months, we started to set up our trip.