Tuesday, April 6, 2010

New rule: No Axe Body Spray

Lynx Africa deodorant bodyspray (left) and Afr...Image via Wikipedia
If I was in charge today the world would be a better place, for me. And that's all that matters, right? (To me that is all that matters and if I am in charge then that's all that will matter to you too!)

No Axe Body Spray
Only the biggest douchebags use Axe Body Spray. They drench themselves in the stuff and it smells terrible. The commercials are terrible. "Use this and girls will attack you all the time because they're stupid as hell." Well, I've seen that episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Xander did not seem to have that great of a time. Plus, did I mention it was only used by the biggest douchebags (and the small ones too)?

No More Reality Shows or MTV
A name should mean something. Reality shows that do not depict reality are stupid. Banned. MTV just completely gave up on the "Music" part of its name. Banned.

No White Guys
I know. It sounds harsh, but hear me out. One night I got out of work and I heard this white guy say, "I'm going to the ol' Slaughter-burger if you guys want to meet up with me." It's called Whataburger, idiot. Plus, I am pretty sick of seeing those Teabaggers. So, you know what? I am a fickle dude. You guys are banned. (Sidenote: white girls can stay)

I Choose the Songs on the Radio
The music on the radio is sickening. All stations will be Pandora stations that I choose the seeds for. The end.







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