Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Mussings: Three or W?

I was at work when I had to write the number three on a piece of paper. The paper was in a plastic sleeve and elevated. Have you ever tried to put a paper inside a plastic sleeve? It is probably harder than brain surgery, for me. So I pulled the paper out only half way and decided to write sideways. As I wrote the number I noticed I had actually written a "w." That's when it hit me: a three and "w" are the same thing, it just depends on your perspective. I just blew my mind, man.


or ?

YOU be the judge!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Maybe I'm Not the Target Market

Facebook, Inc.Image via Wikipedia

Once upon a time I would get ads on Facebook that made sense for me. Then I moved a couple of times and suddenly none of the ads were interesting at all. At first I would get ads for a bunch of stuff happening in Albuquerque. I live about three hours of driving from there. Next came these strange political ads that are the exact opposite of anything I believe in. Add to that all the weird clothing and lifestyle ads; it was just strange.

I'm sorry, but I don't speak Spanish. I have occasionally watched soccer though. However, I never, ever, ever cheer for Mexico. As an America, I want to beat the North American teams first and foremost. Just because I live next to Mexico does not mean I have any ties to the place (and I don't).

Forget those corny firefighter tees? I had no idea that is what those douche-y shirts were! And since I have never claimed to be a firefighter, why would I have a need for "clothing for today's firefighters?" I need clothing for today's do nothing-ers.

Ummmm. Yes, please.

Oh, so you oppose the Obama healthcare bill. Then I don't want you to be my governor. Maybe my being a young, Hispanic, middle class college student isn't the best demographic for you, Mister Weh. Nice smile though.

I never really cared about what women will "do" for a man in uniform. You see, I don't really wear what people would consider a uniform. Man, I wanted to care too! This sad looking lady in a police hat, for instance, would...wear a police hat I guess. I don't know. Hot?

I am pretty sure if I wore this shirt both my parents would kick my ass. And who wears political shirt other than sad old people? I voted for Obama and I have never even been tempted to wear an Obama shirt. But whatever.

Because the United Nations is sooooo powerful! Aren't people with guns always acting so tough all the time? Why are they afraid of the United Nations (which they always argue as being ineffectual) and Hillary Clinton (and we all know women are ineffectual...am I right guys! High five!)?

Right, I'm going all the way to Nevada to see the two biggest dummies in America. Man, I would stick out like a sore thumb at a tea party rally. (On a related note, I would also sick out like a sore thumb at a KKK rally)

Nah, her jersey doesn't seem to fit.

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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

New rule: No Axe Body Spray

Lynx Africa deodorant bodyspray (left) and Afr...Image via Wikipedia
If I was in charge today the world would be a better place, for me. And that's all that matters, right? (To me that is all that matters and if I am in charge then that's all that will matter to you too!)

No Axe Body Spray
Only the biggest douchebags use Axe Body Spray. They drench themselves in the stuff and it smells terrible. The commercials are terrible. "Use this and girls will attack you all the time because they're stupid as hell." Well, I've seen that episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Xander did not seem to have that great of a time. Plus, did I mention it was only used by the biggest douchebags (and the small ones too)?

No More Reality Shows or MTV
A name should mean something. Reality shows that do not depict reality are stupid. Banned. MTV just completely gave up on the "Music" part of its name. Banned.

No White Guys
I know. It sounds harsh, but hear me out. One night I got out of work and I heard this white guy say, "I'm going to the ol' Slaughter-burger if you guys want to meet up with me." It's called Whataburger, idiot. Plus, I am pretty sick of seeing those Teabaggers. So, you know what? I am a fickle dude. You guys are banned. (Sidenote: white girls can stay)

I Choose the Songs on the Radio
The music on the radio is sickening. All stations will be Pandora stations that I choose the seeds for. The end.







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Monday, April 5, 2010

Conversations

Do you know how nice it is to have somebody who can actually engage you in conversation? Or just be able to joke with? It seems like a pretty simple thing, but I find it hard to find people with whom I can actually have a conversation. And to joke with? Even harder (that's what she said).



I mean, I have simple little conversations about work or sports or whatever, school, weather. That's boring though. Real conversations seem almost impossible to come by. People must think about things, right? I know my mind is racing around all day thinking about things. I see people and think about why they do the things they do (the way they dress or interact with others). Everybody must be that way, thinking, wondering.

And when I make jokes I usually get a, "you're funny." That would be nice every once in awhile, but most people don't add anything. What I want to do is say something weird, have the other person respond as the "straight man" (it's a comedy term, not a sexuality term), and continue this pattern. It's really fun to do! My brother and I do it all the time! And that guy is a big dummy. Or I will text something I think is funny because I want to talk and don't have anything in particular to talk about and I'll get, "lol" or much, much worse, "ur funny."

(Seriously? "Ur?" If you wan to abbriviate things, I get that. Your time is limited and there are character limits on texts. Two page texts are kind of frustrating if the subject isn't of huge importance. But put a damn space in there! Everytime I see "ur," I actually pronounce "ur" in my head, not "you are." It frustrates me to no end.)

Fortunately I have been talking/texting someone who can actually play along with my stupid jokes! And that is what this whole blog post is about. I'm in a good mood because somebody can actually understand me. Weird.

Oh hey. This was more boring than I expected it would be. It wasn't this bad in my head. So, here, you got this far. Here are some funny videos I like:




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