Monday, February 8, 2010

My Stupid Face. My. Stupid. Face.

Johnny Depp at the Pirates of the Caribbean: D...Image via Wikipedia
My stupid face is rebelling on me. Just when I don't want to break out, all of a sudden I break out horribly. So my solution is to kill my face, take somebody else's and use that one for now on. Johnny Depp's face. Sorry dude. You seem like a nice guy, but I need it more than you do right now.

However, it may take awhile to implement my catching-Johnny-Depp-and-surgically-removing-his-face plan. That led me to buy some apricot cleanser thing, which is actually for human faces. It says it contains apricot and will clean your skin. But never have I thought, "Oh, man. My skin is feeling in need of exfoliating. I'll just rub this apricot all over my face for a bit. That will do the trick." That seems like it would be sticky and uncomfortable and a waste of a good apricot.

Either way, it smells good. So I ate some. It did not taste like apricots at all. In fact, I think there may be more stearic acid, decyl glucoside, cetyl alcohol, glycerin, glycol stearate, jojoba esters, titanium dioxide, zea mays (corn) kernel meal, salicylic acid, laureth-23, urea, fragrance, mica, misodium edta, silica, phenethyl alcohol, ppg-2 methyl ether, yellow 5 lake, red 30 lake and methylisothiazolinone than apricot...extract. Oh, crap! What's the difference between apricots and apricot extract? Maybe that is why it did not taste good. Eh. My intestines are wholly exfoliated. That's good?

Back to stealing someone else's face (an idea that is originally mine). When this whole "replace your profile photo with a celebrity you look like" thing started on Facebook I knew the time had come to get a new face. Every single time someone tells me I look like some actor it is inevitably depressing. And they always say it like it is a compliment just to look like somebody ugly. Then I just mumble something, put on my headphones and glare at them. (This has happened multiple times) One day soon I shall start carrying a hammer around for just such an occasion. As they finish seemingly unknowingly insulting me I can just mumble something, put on my headphones, glare at them and start bashing in my face with the hammer...

I realize this has been a very violent blog post. It's the apricot extract talking. Apricot extract is well known for blowing things out of proportion.


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