Monday, January 11, 2010

Cold Showers

Most people in Las Cruces don't like the cold. I do however. The past week it's been between the low 30's and upper 20's when I get out of work at night, but I still don't wear a jacket. And I have this bad habit that started when I worked at Village Inn a few years ago of taking off my shirt when I get out of work. So I'm walking across the parking lot in a "wife beater" or whatever the actual name of that kind of tank top is (and since I wear those and don't have a wife to beat, I have to beat other people's wives all the time...it's a big mess and I don't at all enjoy it, but I have to do it because that's what they're called and what the hell else am I going to wear under my shirts?).

The cold doesn't bother me too much. Nobody likes to go into the dairy coolers at work. I do it with no problem. I like it in there! It's all nice and cool. Wait, is that why they're called coolers? Nah. Just a coincidence.

Anyway, ironically. Ironically? No, stupidly. Stupidly, one thing I can't stand is taking a cold shower. The shower has to be super, super hot for me to be comfortable. Everything shower-wise was fine until it got cold outside due to a periodical cooling spell known in scientific circles as "winter." Now that the heater turns on, the shower is hot for, maybe, five minutes. I have to rush my showers to minimize my cold water exposure.

For instance, today I did not get to the "repeat" part of the "wash, rinse, repeat" cycle of hair washing. "Repeat" is instrumental to the cycle. In my estimation it accounts for about one-third of the process. Then again, it can become the most terrible part. When I first started using the Cycle it took me a couple of hours repeating over and over to understand I had to put in a stop command somewhere. Then I had to learn that stop command should come after rinse or else you end with soapy hair and that defeats the purpose of washing your hair. Trial and error, etc.



I already feel uneasy about taking a shower. You see, I can't swim. That's why I prefer showers to baths. But there is still a chance something goes wrong. After some pretend research, I came up with there being a 5% chance I drown while taking a shower. How could that happen when I stand up taking a shower? Oh you of little faith in my ability to forsee ways I can die.

All it would take is somebody creating a beam that confuses people. Then they would shoot me with it. Oh yeah, the beam is shot from space. Obviously. Then I am in the shower and get confused by the space beam and don't think to not inhale the water, which fills my lungs, killing me. Duh. And they shoot me with this beam because...ummmmm...I was running away from them and managed to trick them into running their car into a truck carrying manure. And they hate manure.

(Or the speakers I use so I can hear music in the shower fall and I get shocked to death. I guess that could also happen. But at least it isn't drowning)

Basically, I don't like cold showers. That is all.