Sunday, November 7, 2010

Nightmare

I never have nightmares. Ever. But last night I had kind of a scary dream, more suspenseful really.

First of all, it seemed totally real. I laid down and put my arm over my eyes. My dream started from that point of view and I was convinced I wasn't dreaming. It didn't even occur to me what was happening could be a dream.



My upper body felt heavy. I kept trying to sit up and I did not have the energy to do it. That freaked me out. But I thought maybe I was getting sick (I've been on the verge for a few weeks) and simply was fatigued. Then the noises started. Moaning, scratching, crashing, sirens.

Silence.

Whispering surrounded me. It sounded like people commenting on my condition. I kept trying to lift myself up, but nothing worked. And I could only see the ceiling and part of the wall in front of me. There was nothing to do but wait. Suddenly things sounded like they were being dragged around my room. Why these unseen beings would want to rearrange my room, I have no idea.

Finally I could sit up and everything was thrown around. I couldn't even walk because there was a bunch of my stuff (my desk, television, chair, shelves, books, clothes) piled up next to my bed, making a wall.

And that is when I realized I was dreaming. I thought my eyes had been opened the whole time, but suddenly I noticed I had not even sat up. And nothing was thrown around. And all of that must not have been real. So I went back to sleep.

Okay, maybe that isn't the most frightening thing ever. But not being able to control my body is scary to me. I couldn't stand not being able to move.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Bears

Chicago Bears bear logo dealieImage by Zooomabooma via Flickr
If you are a bear, do you think you feel pressure to be a fan of the Chicago Bears? I suppose your entire family would be Bears fans, but maybe you always had an affinity for those awesome Bengals helmets, the classic  Packers uniforms, the bad-ass Raiders legacy or the beauty of the Colts offense. And anyway, when was the last time a bear was in Chicago? It's just a stupid nickname for a sports team. You shouldn't be locked into fandom because of a name. It means nothing.

On the other hand, however, why create drama in your family of die-hard bear Bears fans? (It isn't actually hard for them to die by the way. Just like anything else, all you have to do is shoot them) It is already hard enough to be a bear. People are always wanting you to do funny tricks, or shoot you and make you into a rug. Plus, Stephen Colbert hates you and that is just a drag, you know?
The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Exclusive - Godless Killing Machines Mash-up
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes2010 ElectionMarch to Keep Fear Alive
(And you know you aren't a godless killing machine! You go to church every Sunday!)

Okay, I've gotten off topic now. Basically, I was wondering what it would be like to be a Bear and this was all I could think of. Bears must have it tough.
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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Philo: TV Check-in

Everybody seems to be using those check-in services such as Foursquare. Now, I don't own a fancy phone to be able to use them (and, anyway, my check-ins would only be for home and work; that kind of defeats the purpose...). But one check-in service I do use is Philo, a service centered around television.

Philo is pretty straight forward. You simply use the site (or the phone app) to enter what you are watching. Either you can find the program you are watching one the TV Guide-esqe list
or by typing into a search bar (useful if you are watching via DVR or Hulu).


Of course, a check-in site would be nothing without some kind of  "badges" or "awards." At this moment I have earned 24 (including "Wildcard" for watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and "Baller" for watching ten sports programs).

The problem with Philo, though I do like it a lot, is nobody I know uses it. In fact, sometimes it seems as if I'm the only one using it. I know that isn't true because there is a news stream that shows what everybody is watching. But I am the number one viewer of nearly every show I watch, including:
  • The Office
  • Wizards of Waverly Place
  • Mad Men
  • College Football
  • M*A*S*H
  • Curb Your Enthusiasm
  • My Name Is Earl
  • Around the Horn
  • NFL Redzone
  • Everybody Hates Chris
And there are certainly more. That is just a sampling.

So, if you watch the tv box, join Philo (it's free) and, I guess, be my friend on it or whatever. You can find me here.



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Friday, September 10, 2010

New Bed?

I've had the same sheets on my bed for the past seven years. Last night I was thinking about buying some new ones and then I found this picture from Sick Sad World.

I NEED THIS BED.














I dream about sleeping in this bed the way every young Mexican girl dreams about sleeping in a taco bed.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

New Kitty!

My awesome friend, Julie, needed to give away her cat, I asked her for it and now I have my first pet! His name is Catface Meowmers. I'm really excited because, even though I never really wanted a pet before, this cat is great. He loves to sleep in my lap and just hang out and listen to the Beatles (especially Revolver; he wasn't a big fan of Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon by the way). He's always purring and meowing too. It's great!

Here are some pictures:
Pretty, pretty kitty!

It took about an hour for him to sleep in my lap

And then later he fell asleep on the recliner

The first thing he did was check out the apartment, including under the recliner

He liked this cabinet in my room more though

Awwwwwwwww! He fell asleep in there too

This is his jam.

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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

My Favorite Comfort Food

My favorite comfort food is vanilla ice cream. There are a couple of different things I put on it. Bananas are a mainstay. Not only are they tasty, they are also good for you! Ice cream certainly needs whipped cream too. That isn't healthy, but it's still good.

What else? Sometimes I put Reece's Peanut Butter cups in there. Other times chocolate syrup. And still others an apple cinnamon topping (it makes the ice cream taste like apple pie!). Never do any of those go on the ice cream at the same time. I believe it is good to have Standards.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

"Sideways Stories From Wayside School" Makes Me Nostalgic

I remember reading Sideways Stories from Wayside School back in grade school. I would read a lot in those days. We had a competition to see who could read the most and I was only ever really challenged by one person. Kind of nerdy actually.

Anyway, this book is weird. The school was supposed to be built with thirty classrooms side by side, but was instead built thirty stories high (there is also no 19th floor, sort of). All the students and teachers appear to be slightly crazy, kooky at the very least and one of them turns out to be a dead rat wearing a bunch of raincoats.

Yeah, I was just as insane back then as I am today.
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Saturday, July 31, 2010

Miami Douchebags

Lebron is worse than Hitler and another midget Hitler combined.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

The Most Insulting People I've Ever Been Told I Look Like

A few times in my life I have been called some...not flattering things, especially as it pertains to my appearance. Why would someone who isn't mad at me tell me something so messed up? I don't know. These are the worst two. And they are terrible.

1) Egon Spengler from Ghostbusters (as played by Harold Ramis)
I have tried my whole life to not look or act like Egon. Then I say ONE science-y thing and boom! My mom brings this comparison out. But  it still is only the second most insulting comparison.







2) Steve Buscemi
This one really made me want to take a cheese grater to my face. Seriously. What possessed the person who told me I looked like him to do it? I will never know. But it haunts me to this day... I am way better looking than Steve freakin' Buscemi! (And even then I still fall in the "ugly" category, but still!)





These are two of the ugliest guys ever! Damn! Now if you'll excuse me, I am off to find a really high cliff from which to jump.
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If you could have ANY animal as a pet, what would it be?

En: Belgian draft horse, Denmark *Da: Belgisk ...Image via Wikipedia
I am doing this thing where you post a blog entry everyday. National Blog Posting Month writes some the prompts and I will do the posting. This is the first one for me.

I've never had a pet before. So I have no gauge for what kind of pet I would like. But I rode a horse like two times and I'll choose that. Not just any kind of horse though. It would have to be a part robot horse. And it will have wheels so it goes super fast! What else?

Music. I need music. The robot horse will have to have a sound system. And it gets hot here. I will need some sort of air conditioning. Maybe some extra seats to put my stuff. Also, a steering wheel and...oh crap, my horse is just a car.

If I could have any animal as a pet, it would be a car.
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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Pimpin'

Pimpin' PherneliaI'm totally this guy all the time, forever.
Manager: How's the life? How's the pimpin' life?
Me: Well it's certainly not that...
Manager: You're not pimpin?
Me: Unless I am without noticing, then no.
Manager: Don't you have girls lining up?
Me: What? No. What?
Manager: If you were you would know.
Me: Um, okay...
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Thursday, July 1, 2010

The World Is Ending ABC

Domenico Beccafumi's Inferno: a Christian visi...So this is my first attempt at a poem. Each line starts with a letter of the alphabet in alphabetical order. And the first letter of each word shares the same letter as the other letters in that line (with a few deviations). I did not know where I was going with this, but after the first two lines I decided it would be about an apocalyptic world. I think it works okay. Eh.

After an atrocious attempt at actualizing the afterlife,
Before breathing broken bottles by blazing bricks,
Comfortably confined, casually contained,
Disaster dared decide to dole
Everything ever, even equating exciting, esoteric events
From Forthcoming Fathers fanning famous flames
Grotesquely growing grey guns given gaily,
He hid, having heard howling. However High Heaven has held
Inside itself immense items invincible, incredible, indestructible,
Just jokingly in justice-jeweled jasmine jars.
Knowingly kept kaleidoscopic kittens
Loom, laugh, looking like little listless leopards.
More men march, making money moving monkeys,
None needing nourishment, nuking nothing nicely.
Over one ocean only the occasional ostrich opens,
Pauses, pulling planks to post, probably plastered,
Quite quixotic, quickly quitting.
Read rightly rash ravings, rotten reviews ruling Romans.
Sometimes sensors signal safety sponsors something.
They take their toll, time totally taken, tactfully
United, ultimately useless, ugly undulations under untimely
Values. Very vociferous, violent voices vote.
With winners wondering where went the warmth,
Xmas x-rays of
Youthful yuletide yearnings
Zap the zebras.

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Saturday, June 26, 2010

This Box Is Very Aggressive

Why are you so angry, box?

Lonely Stroller

I saw this tonight in the Walmart parking lot at a little past one in the morning. Apparently they left the stroller, but thankfully took the baby. Or perhaps the baby, in an act reminiscent of Rugrats, escaped the restraints and is on a quest to rejoin its family. This could be the Las Cruces version of Home Alone 2, Joe Dirt and every Toy Story movie...all rolled into one (and staring a baby). I hope its the latter. Please let it be the latter!
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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Home

Last night I "added my hometown" to Facebook. See?
But I've never really felt like that is my hometown despite the fact that I lived there for the vast majority of my life. I just never fit in with the city or the people. I'm not sure what makes it so people feel a part of the city; I just know I have never felt that. For instance, I despise and can not stand pretty much everything everybody in El Paso loves:

  1. Chico's Tacos
  2. UTEP
  3. Dallas Cowboys
  4. Los Angeles Lakers
  5. being obese
On top of all that I don't like any of the radio stations. I'm not Mexican, have no interest in Mexico and don't speak spanish. I hate the heat and the lack of rain, not to mention the ugly rocks they call mountains, Texas in general, big, stupid trucks and dirt, all the damn dirt. All of it is ugly.
El Paso Skyline as seen from Scenic DriveImage via Wikipedia

Really, the only place I like in El Paso is my parents' home. I'm comfortable there and it's where I spend all my time whenever I have to be in the city. With a few exceptions, most of the people in town are obnoxious and stupid. What's worse is they are proud of it!

So now I'm in Las Cruces and I like it more. But I still don't fit in really. There was actually a time when I had a group I fit in with! That is over, but at least I know it's possible, even if only for a short time.

A lot of it has to do with my being so anti-social. I over-think simple things (like saying hi to people), so I just don't do them. And I know I don't have the right "look" to fit in with most groups. I'm not up to date on contemporary music or movies (I "discover" albums that are 40 years old and to me they're new. Nobody else has a frame of reference for appreciating underground garage rock and psychedelic albums though and they don't care).

I often wonder if there is a place for me somewhere. Maybe in a different city I might meet people more like me or perhaps people who can accept my eccentricities. I used to worry about that never happening (like throughout my childhood and into college). Now I know it won't happen here and I rarely give it a second thought. Music and movies, sports, daydreams and work take up all my mind and there isn't too much room in there to accommodate others.

The End.
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Monday, June 21, 2010

My Greatest Tweet Ever

Hey, want to piss me off? Just be obnoxious! One day I wrote this on Twitter:






Then Red Bull of all people decides to reply for some reason and when I saw that I got a bit angry:


So...go to hell Red Bull Energy Shots. "Just PULL IT OUT." I guess if I was a frat guy I would laugh hysterically at that. "Pull it out! It sounds like they're talking about a penis! Har har har, bro!" Plus, how would pulling anything out, penis or Red Bull, get me empathy? Just go die, Red Bull Shots. (Also, my boss that day was a woman.)
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Happy Father's Day

It was yesterday? Damn it!

If my last name were Normal, I would totally have a bunch of kids and name them all Abby the way George Foreman names all his kids George.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

ABC's New Show Should Jump Off the Side of a Building and Die Forever

The logo of the American Broadcasting Company ...Image via Wikipedia
Downfall and everyone involved with that show. Fuck You. Seriously. ABC, how the hell are you going to air a show where if the contestant does not win you break the prize? Fuck You. It is just so damn wasteful. You are the dumbest fucking network on t.v. Throw your stupid vampire show off the side of a building and jump after it. Fuck You.



This shit isn't extreme, it's just stupid. Fuck You. And fuck anyone who watches this shit.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Family Guy: Oh Yeah, I Hate That Thing

The Griffin family. From left to right: Brian,...
Once upon a time I watched Family Guy and enjoyed it. Now I can not even hear Stewie's voice without exploding into a violent rage (as opposed to my normal quiet rage). People talk about how funny it is all the time and I just do not understand why. So here I sit at nearly four in the morning trying to figure out what happened to me.

At first I thought maybe I have just become one of those assholes who hates things that people like (I do mostly), but I used to like the show when it came out and I vaguely remember most people my age liking it then too. Perhaps I outgrew Family Guy. By outgrow I do not mean I only believe in "high brow" humor or something. But from the time the show came out in 1999 (I was 14) to now (25) I have had the opportunity to experience many more shows, movies, comedians, etc and have expanded what I think comedy is or can be. Meanwhile, it feels to me that Family Guy has become stagnant, relying on the same stupid thing over and over again. And its boring to me now.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Relationships

18.366:  Aisle of DelightImage by Temporary Transfer via Flickr
Everybody writes about their relationships online. I thought I would try it. There's a couple of ways to do it. One can be vague and hope the person the post is intended for reads it. Or one could be specific. That's a little vulnerable though. Hm... I'll just write and see where it goes.

Have you ever loved something? It just makes you happy to be around it. Everything is great, but there's always that nagging feeling that that love is not reciprocated. You can never tell what's in another's mind, you know? Then you find out that worst that you can imagine came true. And that's where I am now.

I don't think Spaghetti Os will ever love me as much as I love them. Now I know what was supposed to go in the empty space in the middle of Spaghetti Os: a heart.
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Hamsters? Really?

Watching the NBA playoffs I have seen this Kia commercial with hamsters a million times:



It's cute, right? Well yeah, but I have some problems with it. For one, the vehicle is just plain ugly. Why anybody would want to drive something that looks like a box is beyond me. Some of the hamsters are riding in a toaster. Why? Is that something hamsters do, hang out in toasters? Do people say, "Dude! Your car is a toaster!" Plus, the Kia Soul actually looks like the toaster!


A little research reveals the toaster and washing machine images are "a nod to automotive lingo that dismisses dull cars as "appliances.'" Okay. But I saw the commercial repeatedly and never had any idea that the appliances reference was a thing.

And if I saw giant hamsters riding around in cars I would be terrified! Imagine seeing those things in person. You would not be thinking they were cute in their hip-hop clothing. You would be afraid of these mutated things! And maybe they have guns! You could never be sure! Behind those cute eyes there is the heart of a killer. They want to take over our planet. Perhaps we can bargain with them by giving them our crappy cars! For instance...the Kia Soul.




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Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Goodbye Google Buzz

So after trying Google Buzz for awhile I have decided to quit. At first I was interested since I use so many Google products, but it is just tedious and boring. Nobody I know was using it and all the people that followed me (who I also followed back) posted nothing interesting. Most of them were just promoting some blog or whatever they were working on (and most of the blogs were about social networking).

Still I am on Twitter and many of the same arguments could be made about that. The difference to me is people I know are on Twitter and my many of my favorite athletes and actors/actresses are too. I can usually get at least a few interesting items a day out of Twitter and I just did not find Buzz to be the same.

Mostly Buzz just became something to clear out of Reader and Gmail...kind of the way you would do with spam. Sorry Google. But I still love a lot of your other stuff!

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