Wednesday, June 17, 2009


  • The pyramids were built by Ancient Egyptians as a monument to their kings, who always encouraged healthy eating.

  • Sometimes I watch Hannity's America because I like comedic shows. One day we'll all sit around the fireplace with him drinking hot cocoa and laugh about all the bat-shit insane stuff he says. Then when we wake up in the morning we'll realize, collectively as a nation, that Sean Hannity has left and our wallet with all our credit cards in it is missing. He is a con-artist and his show is just an elaborate plot to steal our credit cards.

  • Crunchy peanut butter was invented by lazy peanut butter makers. They just quit half-way through the peanut butter creating process and push the product off on an unsuspecting public. Unacceptable.

  • Historical Fact of the Day: The Cold War, fought during the Ice Age upon the backs of Woolly Mammoths between the United States and USSR, introduced the world to a new kind of potato, the Spudnik. This wonderful agricultural feat led to the creation of the french fry by French-Scottish impressionist painter, Norm MacDonald, and his restaurant McDonald's (the first "a" was dropped in a lawsuit during the 1970's).

  • The greatest invention of all time is the wheel. Second best? Those pretty colors meteorologists use to show where rain is on their Doppler Radar 7600's. Third? Cheese from a can.