Sunday, November 22, 2009

Sony Fantasy Festival Contest

Elvis Costello, Cardiff 1979Image via Wikipedia
Sony and LastFM have put together this competition to see who can make the most popular music festival. It works sort of like fantasy football (from what I understand, I actually despise fantasy football). The artists are all assigned monetary value and you have a limit on how much you can spend. Then their internet buzz determines how many points you score. It's a pretty cool idea and I entered in right away. You can even pick from bands that no longer exist.

After working on the lineup for a bit I came up with something eclectic and decent. It is not what I would necessarily book for a dream festival, but I am actually hoping to win here. Nobody but me wants to see Kaleidoscope sadly. Here's what I put together (in order by purchase price):

  1. Radiohead (buzz: 556)
  2. The Beatles (buzz: 410)
  3. Muse (buzz: 690)
  4. Bob Dylan (buzz: 241)
  5. The Ramones (buzz: 129)
  6. Editors (buzz: 529)
  7. Sia (buzz: 147)
  8. Animal Collective (buzz: 146)
  9. Elvis Costello (buzz: 106)
  10. Vampire Weekend (buzz: 260)
  11. Otis Redding (buzz: 100)
  12. Passion Pit (buzz: 256)
  13. Yeasayer (buzz: 59)
  14. Beach House (buzz: 64)
  15. Washed Out (buzz: 104)
Of course, I listened to each one to make I could at least stand them. Here's hoping I win something or other!

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Thursday, September 24, 2009

I Had Too Much to Dream Last Night

Paul PierceImage via Wikipedia
Last night I had a dream that I remember vividly. I would like to share that dream with you now (and a mini-playlist to go along with it).

It started off with me watching a basketball game at the house where I lived as a child. The Boston Celtics were playing the Los Angeles Clippers in L.A. The game goes down to the wire and suddenly I am there somehow. With seconds to play the Celtics are down two and have the ball. Paul Pierce is isolated at the top of the key and his defender slips. Pierce rises up, shoots a three...and misses everything. It was terrible.

For some reason I walk up to him and tell him "It's alright, man. You've made tons of last second shots. And it's the Clippers, so it's not like the game matters."

(That's true, but in Not-Dream World every loss is the end of the world)

Suddenly we are back in my living room, Paul Pierce and I. He does not seem too concerned about the loss. Like I said, it is just the Clippers.

At this point I should explain that I see things happening in a series of camera shots. Ever since I took Media Technology in high school and learned about the different shots used in t.v. and movies I have payed attention to them. I also add cutaways to my daily life, which I spruce up by turning into my own Office-style documentary in my head.

So, now we zoom out to outer space, where Helen Hunt is commanding a ship. She seems uncomfortable with what she has to do. That is when the first few lasers shoot down at U.S. cities. I know for sure Detroit is one of them and something around where Ohio is, another near Washington, D.C. and another around New York City. Apparently half the cities in the world have to be destroyed to save the world for some undefined reason.

But then I think it would not make sense for a ship that close to hit half the cities. So I reason there has to be some pod ship thing further away doing the actual shooting. Yeah, that makes more sense to my sleeping brain. And lo and behold, there is something else doing the shooting! It's like my auto-pilot brain is just making this up as it goes along. But whatever.

Now there is all this laser shooting and the guy who convinced Hunt to do it, I'm sure, is a bad guy. He just looks like he has something to hide. But I will never find out because at that second a squad of spaceships comes to attack Hunt's ship.

The attackers are directly from the arcade game Space Invaders. They are even in that formation.

I am pretty sure I stole this idea from an episode of Futurama. My dreams must be run by Carlos Mencia or Dane Cook. You know, with the stealing of other people's ideas and all.

Those ships begin shooting and Hunt's ship flies away, but crashes on a planet far away.

Six of us survive the wreck, I'm guessing, because we are the only ones I see. (Helen Hunt disappeared and that other guy too. I am there for some reason. Maybe Paul Pierce had a spaceship and I followed them?)

Suddenly a guy, God maybe, decides to give us superpowers. These turn out to be powers like the old mythical gods like Zeus and Poseidon. Well, sort of, but more like comic book or movie versions of those characters.

But one girl, maybe 19 or 20 years old, wants, and gets, the powers of Green Lantern (about whom I know next to nothing). She mentions she would rather be a serial killer (the dream is getting more scattered at this point) as she pulls her black hoodie over her head. I do not see her as a bad person though. "She just know what she wants and that is nice," I remember thinking. Weird.

And this last scene I am doing a voice over like in Goodfellas. That is pretty cool.

Then I woke up.

Usually I can remember what I talked about or watched on t.v. or read that made up my dream, but not this one. I know I watched the episode of That 70's Show where the gang sees Star Wars for the first time. That is about as far as it goes.

Too Much to Dream by Stiv Bators
     A great punk cover of the Electric Prunes psychedelic classic.

Basketball by Kurtis Blow
     They don't make hip-hop like this amazing anymore.

Basketball Jones by Cheech and Chong
     "That bas-a-ball was like a bas-a-ball to me."

I Saw My Death in a Dream Last Night by The Barracudas
     A really moody, psychedelic garage tune by one of the great garage revival bands from the 80's.

Saturday Night in the City of the Dead by Ultravox
     A super funky New Wave/punk song from 1977.

Space Man by The Dentists
     Catchy power pop from 1994.

Subway Ride Thru Inner Space by The Freak Scene
     The definition of freaky psychedelia from 1967. The Freak Scene may be a band nobody remembers anymore, but the record sounds great.

Sunshine Superman by The Leathercoated Minds
     Another forgotten band covering Donovan's huge 1966 hit in 1968. "Superman and Green Lantern ain't got nothing on me"

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Monday, July 20, 2009

How I'd Spend $1,000

Nnamdi AsomughaImage via Wikipedia

The correct answer is paying off some of my student debt, but that would make for a boring answer. A list then:

  1. Assuming Anchor Blue gets away from that crappy punk/hip-hop combo look I hate so very, very much, two new pairs of jeans. (Man, I really used to love their jeans back in the day) -$50? Haven't bought jeans since they switched styles...
  2. Playstation 3 -$450
  3. The Beatles: Rock Band with all the instruments -$250
  4. Nnamdi Asomugha jersey -$75
  5. Foot-long Cold Cut Combo from Subway (on Parmesan Oregano with Monterey Cheddar cheese, cucumbers, pickles, olives, mustard and ranch dressing) -$5.67
  6. Season One and Two of Mad Men -$80.00 (probably)
  7. Hell, this is too hard. I'll just give the rest of the money away. Or drugs or something.

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

What My Ride Needs Is Power Windows

Back in the day (five years ago?) there was a great show called "Pimp My Ride." Then it started to suck. Anyway, before that happened it was really fun to see what the guys would do to the cars to make them unique and all fancy-like.

Even though I dug that show, I'm not as adventurous. There is one thing I want for my car: power windows. Damn this sensibility my parents instilled in me! When I went shopping for my car, I specifically asked for a four door, gray/silver car. I did not want anything fancy looking. I did not want to look like I was a show off. Decent gas mileage and a decent price was important and I got both. But not having power windows has annoyed me the whole time I've had the car!

But really, MTV sucks now.

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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Three Historical People I Would Invite to Dinner

Choosing a group of three historical figures to attend a dinner with me is a difficult task (there have been millions of interesting people...or a couple dozen). People I admire are a must. I mean, inviting someone I would like to beat up, like Hitler, would be fun, but I like to think those people are getting their's in hell. are the interesting people I admire that I think would make for fun conversation.

John Lennon

John LennonJohn Lennon via

He is only the favorite member of my favorite band and I never even had the chance to see him live. Aside from the fact that I am in awe of his artistic greatness, he was known to be very quick witted and sarcastic. I usually get along pretty well with those people because I am the same way. We could talk about politics too; I'm sure he gets tired of talking about music (well, if he were alive).

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Franklin D. RooseveltFranklin D. Roosevelt via

Speaking of politics, I read a book about FDR and was amazed at his mental, physical and emotional strength. Not only did he have to deal with polio, he was president during maybe the second most difficult time in the nations history (probably the Civil War would be the most difficult). Despite having no real strength left in his legs due to polio, he worked out so much he could make it seem he could walk by holding onto a person's arm next to him. And election after election he won, through the Great Depression and led a war-weary country to war against Hitler.

Muhammad Ali

Muhammad Ali, bust portrait / World Journal Tr...Image via Wikipedia

Ali would be the most intimidating to talk to because of his strong personality. I don't think even the strong personalities of Lennon or Roosevelt could compete against the former champ. He's the only one of this list that is still alive, but at my dinner he would be his young self from the 1960's, during the time when he had his belt stripped from him. His comedic ability, I think, would be fun to watch when paired up with Lennon and I would need someone to talk sports with, at least for a little while.

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NMSU Aggies Prior to WWII

New Mexico State University
New Mexico State University (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
We all know how big college athletics have become today. But before television and the popularization of football and basketball professional leagues, college athletics were very different. This article, written by Walter Hines, takes a look at New Mexico State University athletics. Even back in the late 1890's, NMSU, then called NM A&M, fielded teams which competed with local universities and clubs, not only in the U.S., but also Mexico.

Here, Hines takes a look back at the 1938-39 Aggies basketball team which earned a trip to the N.I.T. At the time, the N.I.T. was the biggest college basketball tournament in the nation.
They relied on a dizzying fast break triggered by Jackson's rebounding and outlet passes, Martinez's ball handling and generalship, and Finley's running, Cousy-like one handers. A week after a thrilling victory over Texas Tech at Williams Gym, a telegram from the Metropolitan Sportswriters arrived at State College. The Aggies had been invited to the second annual National Invitation Tournament in New York City. The team left El Paso's Union Station by train amidst great ballyhoo. The entourage included Jerry and Nona Hines, Mr. and Mrs. Dan Williams, and Paul Walter of the Las Cruces Chamber of Commerce. 
After a three-day trip, the Aggies arrived in Gotham and were awestruck. They toured the sites, including the Empire State Building, Radio City, the unfinished World's Fair site, Yankee Stadium, the Polo Grounds, Grant's Tomb, and the Statue of Liberty. They appeared on closed circuit TV, saw a hockey game at Madison Square Garden, and attended a dinner in their honor at Jack Dempsey's restaurant. The Manassa Mauler wowed the group with his charm and stories of his youth in northern New Mexico and Colorado. The Aggies, according to John Kieran of the New York Times, were colorful and resplendent in "ten-gallon hats, cowboy boots, fawn-colored corduroy pants, crimson [letter] jackets and cerise shirts! But they were great big fellows, so it was no laughing matter."
Let's remember the good times...back before World War II. Ugh.

[Aggie Sports - The Early Years]

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Friday, July 10, 2009

Choose Between a Treehouse, Tent or Underground Bunker for a Week's Stay

Lechuguilla Cave, New MexicoImage via Wikipedia

An underground bunker may sound like a crazy place to choose when a treehouse and a tent are the other two choices. Everybody wanted a treehouse when they were young, right? People go camping and sleep in tents, right? Only people hiding from, say, a tornado or the a-bomb stay in an underground bunker.

Well, yes. But I loved going to Carlsbad Caverns as a kid. The dark and quiet of the cave intrigued me so much, I never wanted to leave. Plus, it is much cooler underground and I hate the heat. In a treehouse you have to deal with bugs and birds all the time. In a tent you still have bugs to worry about. But an underground bunker is just mellow and undisturbed.

And I love being left alone; therefore, I would dig spending a week underground.

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Procrastination Will Kill Me One Day...

Recently new student loan repayment loans were introduced and they would really help me out (what, with my minimum wage job not really paying the bills right now). All I have to do is call my loan provider, but I keep putting it off.

Phone Struck by Lightning

I hate, hate, hate using the phone. I avoid it at all costs. The funny thing is, a simple phone call will reduce my student loan payments to ZERO. Procrastination is a stupid thing. And I'm a stupid person apparently. But this morning I WILL call New Mexico Student Loans and take advantage of the new repayment rules! I will!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

'Journey to the Center of the Mind' Needs to Be Blasted

Some songs just need to be played louder than others. Here, three songs you NEED to play loud to get the full experience.

Journey to the Center of the Mind by Amboy Dukes

Two words (after these few ones). Ted. Nugent. His guitar work leaps out of the speakers, grabs you by the throat and pulls you into a swirling tunnel of psychedelic colors. I swear, the first time I turned this up in my car I could see colors leap from the road; and I wasn't taking any drugs.

Summertime by Billy Stewart

Most versions of "Summertime" are rather melancholy. Billy Stewart's jazzy, soulful and at times, dare we say, rocking, version, however, smashes them to pieces. The horns add a funky dimension to Stewart's incredible vocals. But the most amazing part of the song comes after the song quiets down. Stewart makes it sound as if they will fade out quietly, but the drums come storming out of the silence with a vengeance. That's when things get heavy and the band plays at it's most menacing with Stewart shouting like the great soul singers do.

I Am the Walrus by The Beatles

"I Am the Walrus" is like a psychedelic freight train barreling straight through your mind. John Lennon's distorted voice spouts nonsense lyrics while an orchestra fills the in spaces, a heavy thickness that creates a terrible, wonderful tension released only as Lennon shouts "Jooba jooba jooba!"

How I Eat a Sandwich

I have a set way I like to eat a sandwich. Here it is:

Yummo? That's a stupid-ass thing to say.

Eat by numbers.
Everyone should eat sandwiches this way.

Friday, June 26, 2009

If I Had to Pick the Songs in Beatles: Rock Band

The Beatles: Rock Band is set to come out September 9, 2009 and Beatle fans are getting excited. So far we know of ten songs which will be in the game. But what other ones will be included? I decided to make a list of what I want to see. By the time I finished it was clear that Harmonix, the game's creators, have a HUGE task ahead of them. Just on my made up list I left off about ten songs I absolutely love.

First, some ground rules. My list is limited to 45 songs because the game is (though I stretched the rules at the end). The songs and venues we already know are in the game I included (they are in bold). For the group of songs that I think should make use of soundscapes, I just wrote "soundscapes" for the venue.

The Cavern Club
Liverpool, England: 1962
  1. Hippy Hippy Shake
  2. Roll Over Beethoven
  3. Sweet Little Sixteen
  4. Twist and Shout

The Ed Sullivan Show
New York, New York: February 1964
  1. All My Loving
  2. She Loves You
  3. I Want to Hold Your Hand
  4. I Saw Her Standing There
  5. Please Please Me

The Set of A Hard Day's Night
London, England: March 1964
  1. I Should Have Known Better
  2. If I Fell
  3. Can't Buy Me Love
  4. A Hard Day's Night

Shea Stadium
New York, New York: August 15, 1965
  1. I Feel Fine
  2. I'm Down
  3. I Wanna Be Your Man
  4. Help!

Tokyo, Japan: June 1966
  1. Paperback Writer
  2. Nowhere Man
  3. Ticket to Ride
  4. If I Needed Someone
  5. Day Tripper
Soundscapes, 1966
  1. Drive My Car
  2. In My Life
  3. Taxman
  4. Rain
Pepperland, 1967 (These would be soundscapes too, but I just want to play as the cartoon Beatles from "Yellow Submarine")
  1. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
  2. Strawberry Fields Forever
  3. I Am the Walrus
  4. Hey Bulldog
  5. A Day in the Life

Abbey Road Studios
Summer, 1968
  1. Back in the U.S.S.R.
  2. Yer Blues
  3. Revolution
  4. While My Guitar Gently Weeps
  5. Helter Skelter
Roof of Apple Corps
London, England: January 30, 1969
  1. Don't Let Me Down
  2. I've Got a Feeling
  3. One After 909
  4. Get Back
More Soundscapes, late 1969
  1. Here Comes the Sun
  2. Octopus's Garden
  3. Suite from Abbey Road:

    a. Mean Mr. Mustard
    b. Polythene Pam
    c. She Came in Through the Bathroom Window
    d. Golden Slumbers
    e. Carry That Weight
    f. The End

  4. I Want You (She's So Heavy)
  5. Come Together

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Wednesday, June 17, 2009


  • The pyramids were built by Ancient Egyptians as a monument to their kings, who always encouraged healthy eating.

  • Sometimes I watch Hannity's America because I like comedic shows. One day we'll all sit around the fireplace with him drinking hot cocoa and laugh about all the bat-shit insane stuff he says. Then when we wake up in the morning we'll realize, collectively as a nation, that Sean Hannity has left and our wallet with all our credit cards in it is missing. He is a con-artist and his show is just an elaborate plot to steal our credit cards.

  • Crunchy peanut butter was invented by lazy peanut butter makers. They just quit half-way through the peanut butter creating process and push the product off on an unsuspecting public. Unacceptable.

  • Historical Fact of the Day: The Cold War, fought during the Ice Age upon the backs of Woolly Mammoths between the United States and USSR, introduced the world to a new kind of potato, the Spudnik. This wonderful agricultural feat led to the creation of the french fry by French-Scottish impressionist painter, Norm MacDonald, and his restaurant McDonald's (the first "a" was dropped in a lawsuit during the 1970's).

  • The greatest invention of all time is the wheel. Second best? Those pretty colors meteorologists use to show where rain is on their Doppler Radar 7600's. Third? Cheese from a can.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A Comic about Catfish and Chicken Blood

One day I came across this ingenious product for catching catfish. It said it was made with real chicken blood. This is what I imagine it would look like if you used it.

The End.

I messed up the picture by making it too small. Ugh. But it reads "Dude, is that chicken blood? We haven't been to Popeye's in SO LONG!" And the other fish says, "Fo' real, yo. This could in no way be a trick because we love chicken so much, naturally. What, with all the chicken found in the ocean and all."

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Ultimate Gillette Gift Set

Do you see that? I bought it last week. Five dollars for all of it! Amazing, I know! A sixteen dollar value. The amount of savings is almost impossible to put into words. Eleven. But eleven is still one of the biggest numbers I know, so that means this Ultimate Gillette Fusion Gift Set achieves greatness. I can not stop talking about strangers, to acquaintances, to friends, to strange friends with whom I am acquainted, etc. But mostly to strangers.

I go up to them in dark alleys, corner them against the wall in a rough fashion and express my love for Gillette's incredible...incredibleness. "Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you, bastard!" I say as I grab them by the throat, slamming them against the wall. Then, with wild eyes a-blazing, I tell them this:

"You may not know it, but you are missing the greatest deal known to earth since Jesus' Carpentry Store Presidents Day sales back in...England or wherever he was from. For the low, low, low price of five American dollars, you too can buy this at Wal-Mart. And don't worry...hey, stop crying. And don't worry, you may think only special, important people may take part in this, but, really, and I'm not even freakin' kidding man, you can too!"

That's how it starts and eventually the person is so excited they sprint off to go get it! Aw, man! I'm just so happy right now! I can't even come up with words. I can barely capitalize my writing correctly! Hey shift key, go to hell! I've no time for you.

And to think, I just wanted some shaving cream. It was about three dollars, but a lady I work with pointed me towards this gift from Gillette. Now, we all know that Gillette was named after actual terrible comedian,, Penn...sylvania? Doesn't matter. The point is they were, like, really big in Pennsylvania or something and then they came out with this Ultimate Gillette Gift Set and now they have national commercial campaigns and are known all over most of the United States! Wow, ADVERTISING! America, what a country!

First of all, it comes with a razor that has five blades! Five blades and the set costs five dollars. Genius, symbolism! I could not have come up with something that witty. It also has a sixth, precision blade, but we will ignore that. The razor is technically called the Gillette Fusion Power. And boy is that ever an accurate description of the product. Whenever I use it I want to just go jump the crap out of people in alleys! AH, THE POWER, I CAN FEEL IT SURGING THROUGH MY FACE VEINS AND THEN, EVENTUALLY, THE REST OF MY VEINS!

But with great power comes great responsibility. So that's why the brilliant people at Gillette, in a stroke of brilliance, included matching shaving, not cream, gel. The only bad thing about the gel is how good it smells. How could that be a bad thing? Because I tried to eat it and it did not taste good. Funny thing though, after shaving, the power in my veins makes me want to eat all sorts of weird things, like cars. I go out at night, eatin' cars. I eat Cadillacs, Lincolns too, Mercurys and Subaru. And I don't stop, I keep on eatin' cars. Then, when there're no more cars, I go out at night and eat up bars where the people meet, face to face, dance cheek to cheek, one to one, man to man, dance toe to toe.

As far as deodorant goes, you can not possibly do more than "Triple Protection" unless you make the container larger. And that is not sensible.

Though a stupid thing, body wash, for washing your body, also is included. If only they could make it into a solid form, it would be better. I bet that's what they're working on next.

And the "Deep Cleaning Shampoo" contains this on the back of the bottle "Charged Cleaning System + Our highest level of cleansing agent = An ALL DAY clean you can feel." And the hits keep coming! The Department of Homeland Security wouldn't let them say that if it wasn't true. Sure, I could hardly believe they would put the formula right on the back of the bottle, but they are cold-blooded shampoo makers. I decided to take a look at the ingredients and was SOOOOOOO excited to see it included methylchloroisothiazolinone. Then I looked it up on the internets and found out the only side effect is something called "Aloysiussnuffleupagusishness." Sounds fun!

So, in closing, and in conclusion, I hope you run right out and buy this. If you don't then you obviously hate America, the country where you live probably. Five dollars! FIVE DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Some Karaoke Suggestions

Ever been hanging out somewhere when some genius gets the brilliant suggestion to sing karaoke? It's usually a fun time, well, at least a funny time. Most people can't sing anyway. But standing in line waiting to sing, what do you pick? This question has plagued many a potential karaoke-r. Here, some ideas I think you should consider.

Twist and Shout by The Beatles

For one, you get to yell. And everybody knows the song and can sing along. When Twist and Shout was used in Ferris Bueller's Day Off in the 80's, it shot up the charts. This from a song released in the 60's. Everybody knows Twist and Shout!

Psycho Killer by Talking Heads

The ability to passionately deliver this Talking Heads classic, combined with the "funny" lyrics, make Psycho Killer one of my favorite songs to sing in my car at the top of my lungs.

House of the Rising Sun by The Animals

Another song most people know the lyrics to, Eric Burdon was one of the great 60's white soul singers. When played loudly the organ pierces your brain and my voice gets all raspy by the end of singing it!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Cover of "In His Own Write"Cover of In His Own Write

This is an update. I generally think it's stupid when people write about their boring life on a blog, especially a MySpace one, unless it's done with comedy in mind. Because really, I could cry about why some girl doesn't like me or whatever (BUT WHY!?! OH WHY!?! LITTLE RED-HEAD GIRL! Ha ha. Just kidding. I was watching Peanuts cartoons on tv today) and bore everyone since that is what everyone writes about. Booooooo! Enough! Anyway, if you care there's this.

I'm relatively close to getting an apartment in Las Cruces. All I need to do, really, is, um, actually go and do it. Yes! That seems to always be my problem. Since I now work at Wal-Mart in Las Cruces (the crappy one on Valley), driving home at one in the morning to the Far East side of El Paso all the time absolutely kills me.

Oh, yes. My job. In one word: terrible. In three: very, very terrible. I unload stuff from trucks and stack it up. Then I pull the stacks out to the floor. Then, if time remains, I stock the stuff which sits in the customer's way. The stuff I unload is many times very heavy (throw bags of dog food around for a few hours and see how tired you get). The guys I work with all out-weigh me and are generally much stronger, so I have to work harder just to keep up. It sucks.

And the people! I have cut out essentially all the music, tv and movie references from my speech and still it is not enough. I called a girl "a regular Benedict Arnold" and had to explain who he was. Ugh. And one time I mentioned Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (long story) and the conversation immediately changed to how funny his name sounds. Once I used the phrase "give it the ol' college try" to which I received back a blank stare. You get the story (though I guess I should stop assuming people will). I feel handicapped in all my conversations! Maybe I should do some Dane Cook jokes. I'm sure they'll laugh at those. And I'll immediately commit suicide ceremoniously like the Sad Penguin (of which I can not find a video).

Also, we listen to the Rocket all day and I want to jump off a bridge it's so bad.

So, I've been wanting to write on either this blog or Velvet Night Sky and haven't gotten around to it, until today. I'm also working on a book(?) of absurd historical lessons similar to the Professor Brothers with a touch of word play like in John Lennon's In His Own Write. When I finish a few stories I'll probably post them here. I don't know.

And there's a plan for a local music blog, maybe (it's ready to go, but who knows?). Oh, and I've grown bored of MySpace and have turned to Facebook. Suck it Murdoch!

Goodbye for now, forever!

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