Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Bat-Man

I came back from the track at about 11:45 PM tonight. Next to my door was a bat hanging on the wall. A gigantic, evil bat that wanted to kill me! But I kept my cool. I'm not afraid of a stupid bat because I'm a man, damnit!

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As I stuck the key into the thing on the door where you stick the key, the bat flew away...or so I thought. Understand that my door is a well known loser and rarely allows for a simple turn of the key. It must be coaxed into actually working (kicked, verbally abused, etc.). So as I was trying to turn the key, hoping no pretty girl would walk by to observe me struggling with a key, the bat, foaming at the mouth, flew back over me. At that point I ducked like a little sissy girl because, like, damn, the thing could have rabbies or something!

There was also, maybe, a Putty from the original Power Rangers there. I can't be sure.

The thing about bats is they are indeed scary. Some people who even PRETEND to be part bat attack their mother and sister. I saw it on the E! Channel. Others are able to be rehabilitated. Take, for instance, the one from Brooklyn who then went on to run a daycare with other unemployed fathers. None of the children were even bitten if I'm not mistaken.

You can never be sure what you are going to get. Some are good until they sleep with Sarah Michelle Gellar. I fear for Freddie Prinze, Jr. Remember he had a t.v. show? It wasn't as good as his dad's, but I thought it was funny. Then it got canceled. I don't know why. I can only assume he turned into a bad bat and killed the other people working on the show. Probably not all of them (he doesn't seem that vicious), but enough to where the network figured it would be prudent to shut it down.

I think that's what must have happened and nobody can change my mind.

In conclusion, I almost died all the way to death tonight. Only my J.D-like reflexes saved me from certain danger.