Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Every blog I frequent did this last week, so, like the maverick I am, I will do it now (plus I didn't really spend much time on the internet during the break). Alright. Here is my list:

10) New Mitch Hedberg Record

Just what I needed to pick me up, the new Mitch Hedberg comedy record, Do You Believe in Gosh?, lived up to everything I expected. It was funny. The end.

9) Collapse of the Financial Market

You may be asking (axin') yourself why I would be thankful for this when I'm so very, very poor and that jerk Henry Paulson won't bail be out of MY massive debt. Well, I had to break it down into the good and bad to figure it out myself.

The good: First, President Bush will go down as the worst president in the history of the United States of America, confirming what I've said for the last eight years. Second, watching those idiots on financial networks lose faith in all they believe in (the power of money and the markets over everything else) while it is obliterated makes me laugh.

The bad: I pretty much won't get a decent job coming out of college in a couple of weeks. Nobody has any money. People can't get loans. Everybody is losing their jobs. HUMAN BEINGS ARE KILLING OTHER HUMAN BEINGS TO GET CHEAP CRAP AT WAL-FREAKIN'-MART. Some (many?) emerging markets could really collapse (I'm looking at you China!) and become embroiled in social turmoil as a result.

Verdict: All in all I guess it evens out in the end. Net Plus!

8) Margaret Brennan

The good thing about watching CNBC nearly 24-hours a day is the few moments Margaret Brennan is on the screen (though Jim Cramer remains entertaining enough).

7) NBC on Thursday

Amy Ryan was great on the Office! She's not there anymore, but the show, save for one episode, remains excellent. Then there's 30 Rock with all of the celebrity guest stars. That should be real shtick-y and annoying. Surprise. It's not. Steve Martin has been my favorite so far with Jennifer Aniston coming in a close second. And My Name Is Earl, when I remember to watch it, makes me laugh. Though, to be fair, Kath and Kim annoys me to no end. That's when I switch over to the Rachel Maddow Show.

6) Music Blogs

Aside from having my own pathetic little music blog, there are a whole bunch of great ones. I have "not at all illegally downloaded" any records. Yeah. That's the ticket.

5) Tina Fey in General

Excuse me while I try to stop drooling for a moment...Okay. Without Tina Fey there would be no 30 Rock and the world would be a worse place. And without Tina Fey there would have been no Sarah Palin/Tina Fey impersonations this Thanksgiving from everyone in my extended family. The bunch of commie, libruls...

4) Barack Obama

It took longer than it should have, but we finally have a basketball-playing president. And now he is all over the television appointing fellow basketball players to all sorts of things, everywhere, forever. Good job America! Wait. I bet Obama is actually a secret baseball player. I vaguely remember one of "those ones" pulling a stunt like that on an unsuspecting American public some time ago.

3) Stephen Colbert and the Colbert Report and the Colbert Christmas Special

These videos are all you need to see.

2) Boston Celtics Winning the NBA Championship

The Lakers suck. Paul Pierce got a ring. One of my teams wins something and isn't absolutely horrendous! (The Red Sox don't count because I'm not a real big baseball fan)

1) Nate Silver and

Absolutely the greatest website during the election. Mr. Silver got the popular vote margin and electoral college amazingly close using math and regression analysis or something. It kept me sane for, what, like the eight months I visited it.

Bonus: The Dark Knight

That was a pretty cool movie, right? And it sure made Spiderman 3 look like a piece of junk. Terrible, horrible junk

So, that's it. Everything else this year was disappointing and depressing, not deserving of thanking. Now get off the stoop and leave me and my trash can alone.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Joe Biden in Mesilla, NM

Joe Biden stopped by Old Mesilla on October 17. I received word of his visit a few days in advance and was a bit excited. I mean, all I do is watch cable news and read political blogs all day so I've heard everyone's stump speech before. Still, I wanted to see him and show my support. I see the massive crowds that Obama and to a lesser extent McCain and Palin get and I hear stories about the excitement volunteers and about the protests and general craziness surrounding everything. I wanted to see it for myself.

I decided against going to class because I wanted to get there when the "doors opened" at 11:30. Of course I actually headed out on my twelve minute journey to Mesilla at a little before 11:30. Driving down the street a few miles away there were no Obama/Biden signs, but there were McCain/Palin ones dotting the place. That worries me. But when I finally got to Avenida de Mesilla I was pleased to see that parking was hard to come by. I ended up parking in a dirt lot and proceeded to walk to the Plaza.

I figured a couple of friends would end up coming too, but they had better things to do, I guess. That is sort of emblematic of this area. Anyway, I walked for about eight minutes alongside mothers with their children, retired couples and the occasional college student. We made our way to the Plaza and there were a couple of lines, one for people with tickets and one for people without tickets. I sat on the curb in front of the San Albino Basilica. It is a beautiful church. As a Catholic and a fan of old churches it made me happy that this was the backdrop of the rally. In the little yard in front of the church is a memorial for all unborn babies. More on this later.

After sitting for awhile I decided to stand in line to get in. When the gates opened thirty minutes late the line moved relatively quickly and, having no weapons or signs (you couldn't even get in with pro-Obama signs), I got into the open air rally site with a decent selection of places from which to watch. When I went to SXSW I learned to take a spot in the back of the line at least one band before the one you came to see. As the people in front leave because they're tired or already saw what they wanted to see, you get to move up and get to the front. So, naturally, I did this here too. I started off about fifteen yards away, directly in front of the podium. Slowly I moved up. The heat really began to get to people.

Even with the sun pounding down on us, we stood in good spirits and waited. Volunteers passed out water bottles, but I let the older people take the first pick. Over the PA system they played Tom Petty (yes!), Stevie Wonder (yes!), U2 (ugh) and John Mellencamp's "Small Town." That song was a single off of "Scarecrow;" the title track of which was recorded the day I was born. When a man near me asked nobody in particular who the song playing was, I wanted to start telling him all I know about the song, like how it is one of my five favorite of all time, but I stayed silent.

A fair amount of middle and high school kids stood waiting with their parents. I expected more college students, but the ones there were mostly the people already volunteering. Even some kids from San Antonio had taken a bus to New Mexico to canvass that day! They were the most excited of everyone. The next most enthusiastic group was the older people.

Next to me stood two older ladies who spent the hours we stood there talking about the recent debate and criticizing McCain and, especially, Palin. They were nice ladies who moved to Las Cruces from out east to retire. But the sun got to one of them (boy, it was unusually hot) and they had to leave to the shade before Biden spoke.

The wind knocked down the "Change" sign that would stand behind the speakers and look oh so pretty on t.v. Bad omen? Maybe. But, later, white birds that I have never seen before began flying over us. Then more flew over. Then more. So I think that offset whatever omen the wind had brought.

Finally they gave us the Obama/Biden signs you see at every rally on the news. Immediately every single one was raised in the a shield from the sun. And then people began to speak! Tom Udall's wife, Harry Teague, some local people, a young girl from the Las Cruces Obama office and Governor Bill Richardson all spoke. Richardson, of course, was the most charismatic and funny. Then Biden came out firing.

He gave his stump speech like I've heard so many times before. Then he introduced something new that he would bring up in subsequent speeches. Apparently, Sarah Palin had called the rural, small town places that she visits the patriotic parts of America. All of us Democrats have heard this for years. We are not patriotic because we oppose going into Iraq or lowering taxes on super rich people or ending the so-called "death tax" on the same super rich people or for not blindly supporting everything stupid, bellicose thing George W. Bush says. Over and over they bludgeon us with this charge. And it forces many people to stay silent.

So Biden, on stage, squinting into the sun, says, "I'm TIRED, TIRED, TIRED, of being called unpatriotic! We are all Americans! We are all patriotic! No part of the country is more patriotic than any other!" That being just what I've been yelling at my t.v., albeit to zero effect, for years drew a huge cheer from me. And it drew a huge cheer from the crowd.

Early voting was another of his major points. He had a blue card we could fill out. The volunteers had passed them out while we were waiting in line earlier in the day. By most accounts the Obama campaign is pushing early voting especially hard and is seeing some positive effects.

Afterward I tried to shake Biden's hand, but the crowd stretched just far enough that I could not get to him. The secret service, who must all be about 6 foot 5 inches tall, do a great job of shadowing him from different directions. I don't know how they survived all day in the sun in those black suits though.

I walked back to the front of the church in time to watch a small group of college-age kids with pro-McCain signs start yelling at the Obama college-age kids. They each did their chants and the McCain protesters, vastly outnumbered, were shouted down repeatedly. I wonder what they thought they would accomplish? The real protesters were the Catholic anti-abortion people yelling at us about the evils of abortion.

Since they were just standing there being ignored, I decided to buy an Obama button. I asked the lady how much each thing was in what I figured would be descending order of price until she hit one I could afford. I bought a plain blue one dollar button. Thanks a lot "Not Having a Job."

Suddenly the abortion people became more aggressive because the leaving crowd began engaging them. Police positioned themselves between the crowd arguing about abortion and the crowd yelling their candidates slogans. The anti-abortion people had big signs, about four feet tall, of aborted babies. The protesters children held up these truly gruesome signs. Other signs read "I Regret My Abortion" and "You Can't Be Catholic and Pro-Choice." I watched people argue for about half an hour without getting anywhere, using bad examples and making generalizations about one another that they should not have been making. Eventually I just wanted to have an intelligent conversation and it seemed neither side was interested in having any of that.

Suddenly one of the few men protesting decided to talk to me. We did not even well at each other. It was amazing. When he found out I was a journalism major he asked what they taught us about what stories to choose. He said the news did not cover the pro-life movement. I told him I found it hard to believe because I saw those stories periodically, but that they mostly taught us how to gather information and put together a story and the media usually picked stories that would get the organization viewers/readers/etc. After talking for another half-an-hour, the protesting wound down and they huddled together to talk so I left.

Upon returning home I realized I had been sunburned. It was about four and I had not even thought about taking a hat or wearing a collared shirt, an unfortunate decision indeed. Now, if only Barack Obama himself would come down here for an open rally like he has done in Albuquerque, Española and Denver.

This article presents a good rundown of the Obama Española rally: Barack Obama Held a Rally in my Front Yard!

Note: All of the pictures presented here are from Barack Obama's flickr account.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

What to Do When You Root for a Bad Team and Live Far Away

Watching the Boston Celtics defeat the Cleveland Cavaliers tonight in Boston, I could not help remembering the joy of the crowd as they won the NBA Championship last season. The final game being a blowout, it turned into one long celebration. The fans were having such a great time! Now, I am a Celtics fan, but I have never been to Boston. One time I went to Washington, D.C, but that is as close as I have ever gotten. I am also an Oakland Raiders fan, but I have only been to the west coast once (and that was to Los Angeles). So, how can a fan stay rooting for their team when that team is bad and they live nowhere close? Unfortunately, I have some experience in this department.

Haha. Once upon a time all of my teams (actually, the teams I am a fan of, you know, since I don't actually own them) were horrible losers for many, many years and nobody ever had any hope they would win, possibly ever again. When your team only gets the minimal mention on Sportscenter and then only to laugh at their latest loss, it starts to become a drag to stay a fan. During such trying times I like to criticize the coverage on ESPN (especially during football season because, as a Raiders fan, it is obvious to see the amount of Raider haters/former Bronco players on television) for only covering to same couple of boring teams over and over and over again.

But that only goes so far. Talking to other fans helps too. They know what it is like to feel so abandoned by their overpaid athletes who give only the minimal effort because who cares, they are just lazy and stupid and I would fire them if I was the GM. Due to the fact that I am so far away from the majority of the fans of the same teams (besides my immediate family, more on that later), I have to take to the internet. Using the Almighty Google I have found a couple of websites that offer the chance to interact with people of the same love of my teams. For the Celtics I go to CelticsBlog and for the Raiders I go to the ProSports Daily forums. Reading what other fans say and occasionally chatting with them makes me not feel so alone out here in southern New Mexico.

Finally, I try to remember why I became a fan and the good times that I was not alive to witness, but which provide a peak into what is possible. I don't know about you, but the reason I got into my teams was because of my dad. There are pictures of me as a baby shooting a little basketball into my little Larry Bird basketball hoop. I distinctively recall laying on my stomach next to my dad (imitating him) watching the Raiders on the tv, sharing a bag of Doritos while he drank a beer (this was a really long time ago because he quit drinking when I was very young). I remember my parents watching the news when Larry Bird retired and someone, I think it was Nick Anderson, saying something to the effect of, "They're done. When he leaves he's taking the lucky leprechaun with him." I was seven. And it took until this decade for them to become good again. And then really bad again. And then really, really good!

Some people may have become a fan of a team for other reasons. Take my dad for example. He became a Raiders fan while watching a Raiders-Chiefs game as a kid. The two teams got into a big fight and the Raiders beat the snot out of the Chiefs. Voila! Raiders fan for life. I think that is pretty awesome. And he became a Celtics fan by reading about the great Auerbach/Cousy/Russell teams in books provided by the bookmobile.

So, while you may have bad years (for me the nineties and most of this decade) you can take solace in the fact that you do not follow the crowd. I should be a Cowboys and Lakers fan (I have no idea why so many people here like the Lakers). It would be so much easier. Everyone else around here is! But I like being different. When my team is bad I know people think I am weird for wearing my team hats and shirts proudly. To switch teams and join the crowd would mean a loss of integrity. It is a source of pride. At least. Then, when my team is good it feels even better. Just wait out the bad years and keep your head held high because the reward is sweet. Even if you can not really share it with anybody!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Lamenting Aggie Football

The NMSU football game in Moscow, Idaho just ended. Despite being a two touchdown favorite to the perennial pushover Idaho Vandals, the Aggies lost once again. I suppose the typical response from the average fan would be, "Here we go again," because looking at the remaining schedule it appears as if the team will not make a bowl game for the 48th year in a row. The unfortunate thing about this season is the team looks very good on paper/in video games. Senior quarterback Chase Holbrook led the nation in passing a couple of years ago. Senior wide receiver Chris Williams could be the fastest player in the nation. A new defense brought hope that confusing the opposing offense with unique looks could lead to increased turnovers. Injuries to key players last year forced young players to grow up quickly and looked to infuse this year's team with a deeper roster.

But a funny thing happened on the road to familiar mediocrity. First, a hurricane forced the Aggies first opponent to cancel coming to Las Cruces. Then the Aggies, understandably rusty, had to play Nebraska in Lincoln and played well considering it was the Cornhuskers third game. The following week brought a heart-stopping shootout in El Paso against UTEP resulting in a one-point Aggie victory. At this point things were looking up. Coach Hal Mumme's "Air Raid" offense produced an 84-yard touchdown on the first Aggie play against UNM and a 79-yard touchdown three minutes later. And then the offense was shutdown. Despite the disappointing 35-24 loss in Las Cruces, the next two weeks brought some hope with a blowout win against Alcorn State and a big time shootout win over Nevada in Reno.

For the first time in a long time the Aggies had a winning record this far into the season (3-2) and a winning conference record (1-0). Hopes for a bowl games were alive and well in Las Cruces. Of the seven remaining games, it looked like the Aggies could win five (San Jose State, Idaho, Hawaii, Louisiana Tech, Utah State) with two being complete pushovers with only one win (Utah State beat Idaho and Idaho beat lowly Idaho State). Only six wins are needed to get into a bowl game and with Boise State likely to win the rest of its games and play in a BCS bowl, NMSU was in good shape.

Then came the San Jose State game. With a pumped up crowd the Aggies could barely muster any offense and lost 31-14. The only bright spot for the game, the second annual "Tough Enough to Wear Pink" game, was the nearly $600,000 raised for breast cancer research. But the team itself played poorly. Still, despite the depressing performance from the team (and the fans, most of the student section left at halftime despite only being down 14) there seemed to be light on the horizon. A trip to Moscow, Idaho loomed and the laughably would be an obvious win. Right?

Of course not! Untimely turnovers (as if there are any other kind) lead to another anemic performance from the Air Raid offense. Was not a high-powered offense what Hal Mumme came here to create? All the branding in the world from Athletic Director McKinnley Boston, all the new uniforms, updated stadiums, new scoreboards, new websites and post-game fireworks shows in the world can mask that Mumme has underperformed and underwhelmed the people of Las Cruces. People here love football. The attendance of high school football games proves there is a market for college football. If it is entertaining, that is. But nobody will keep on going if they know the team will lose AND the team will probably not put up many points. And guess what? They know.

I do not blame the players for not winning. They are not paid (though you can, and I have, make the argument that a free education is, in fact, payment). They do not come up with the game plans. They do not recruit defensive linemen that are much too undersized for the position. No. It is the coaches, Hal Mumme in particular, who are not constantly out-coached and out-smarted. He is at fault. How long has he been here? Three, four years? A dozen? Does it matter anymore? His teams underperform constantly.

Now, I will not sit here and say he should be fired. But losing has become something of an expectation around here. It is never good for your team to be a joke. Mumme needs to prove to us, the fans, that he can make the team play up to their potential. It is on him. If he can not do that, then the team hold him accountable.

There are still five games left. We need three wins. We will not beat Boise or Fresno. We get Hawaii and Louisiana Tech at home and Utah State is still not good (of course, Idaho is even worse and we lost to them).

Go Aggies. Please.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Chuck Norris Is a Tough Guy and Military Expert

Infected with teh ghey.In order to prove how tough he remains at his advanced age (68 and not a grey hair to be seen) Chuck Norris bullies Arianna Huffington on Larry King Live. He tells her about his "two tours" in Iraq when he talked to troops and commanders and they told him that we need to stay there forever no matter the cost. That is why he is supporting Alaskan celebrity personality Sarah Palin for president, dooming the campaign to hilarious obscurity in a similar fashion to his effect on Huckleberry Hound.

Look, I've read all the Chuck Norris facts. Should he not be able to go to Iraq and kill all the terrorists by himself?

[Vet Voice]

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Beware of Inventing Things and, also, Molemen

  • Some Foreign Guy invented the iPod, but gets NO MONEY AT ALL because Apple says they do not really care. [Daily Mail]
  • The MTV Video Music Awards really sucked and pretty much nobody will ever watch it a perfect world. [Slam Online]
  • John Hodgeman (from the Daily Show and Apple commercials) has a new book and also talks about Molemen and Molemanic women a whole bunch. [Boing Boing TV via Comedy Central Insider]
  • Stephen Colbert's DNA will soon be in space and that is actually very cool. Unfortunately it will not be his famous "Formula 401." Sorry ladies. [AP via No Fact Zone]
  • The Onion has discovered the most important issue for this election and, really, every election. [The Onion]

Monday, September 8, 2008

The New Barack Roll Video

The McCain campaign seems to have no knowledge that putting a solid color behind their candidate makes it very easy to make him look as stupid as they actually are. So, for no other reason than the YouTubes provide a reason for people to make hilarious videos using the abundance of election footage floating around, I present to you the new Barack Roll video.

[John McCain Gets BarackRoll'd]

Updates: If Only We Could Get Rid of this Pesky Media

  • Meet the Eastern Media Elite that people have been so raving about (Dana Milbank is still an ass). [Swampland]
  • A Southern Republican U.S. Representative is racist? I could not believe it either. But he has a great excuse...stupidity. (Stephen Colbert also made him look like an idiot about two years ago) [No Fact Zone and Atlanta Journal-Constitution]
  • Grown man and Hall of Fame former basketball player Patrick Ewing forgets to wear pants like the rest of the grown ups. [Slam Online]
  • One guy likes Nicholas Cage making an endless amount of crappy movies. [MSNBC]
  • Oh look. A comprehensive story on the life of Mitch Hedberg. [New York Times]

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Everything You Need to Know about Sarah Palin

The band Heart hates her. The End.Since the Alaska Governor, now Republican Vice Presidential nominee, remains the only thing anyone can talk about forever, here is a rundown of some of the stuff that has been revealed about her. This list is generally in reverse chronological order. I am going to assume most people already know the basics (like how she is the mother of everyone in Alaska and once shot every animal just to watch them die) and may still have missed out on some of the newest, post Convention news. She could be the funnest candidate for office in a long time because it is fun to watch a train wreck, I guess. Is it? Why is that a saying? It seems like a terrible thing actually. Anyway, ready? Let's Go!

  • She is kind of a racist. If by kind of I mean really, really. [LA Progressive]
  • Alaskan indie rock bands do not like her. [Hartford Courant]
  • The people who defend her are idiots and hypocrites. [Comedy Central Insider]

  • She thinks community organizing is pointless and does not really know what they do apparently. [Swampland]
  • She is really easy to make fun of because of her stupid voice and incredibly weird story. [FakeSarahPalin on Twitter and YouTube]

  • She has this strange timeline regarding her last birth where her water breaks when she is in Texas, but she proceeds to speak at a conference and then fly to Alaska to give birth over a dozen hours later in a hospital that is far away from the very good one she happened to be near. And no conservative commentator can believe why anyone would think there is something funny going on. [Vanity Fair]
  • There are about a million other things. Nobody can really keep track of them. Only one place is trying. You can literally waste HOURS looking through all the stuff. [Wonkette]

Remember When Jenna Fischer Was Kidnapped?

Don't call me Pammy.Rainn Wilson (Dwight from the Office) kidnapped Jenna Fischer (Pam from the Office) in an attempt to get people to go to his movie "The Rocker." It should have worked, right? Get a pretty girl from one of the best shows on television to drive web traffic to a website full of videos describing the kidnapping and people trying to get her out. Hey, even get Slash to guest star in a few videos! Keep the movie in everyone's mind so they go see it on opening day. So, how did it fare?

It turns out that even great viral marketing can not make an average movie great. Plagued by reviews of being boring and unimaginative (earning a 35% fresh rating on, "The Rocker" only managed to open in 12th place, grossing $2.75 million. So, now that the movie flopped there was only one question to ask, "What would happen to Jenna Fischer?"

So that did not happen, but then another video appeared that was much more sinister.

So now the fun is all gone and it was expected that Jenna Fischer was dead, but she managed to survive and is helping kittens. According to her MySpace Blog:

I’m free! I’m out of Rainn’s trunk! I faked my own death and escaped from a shallow grave. When Rainn saw me walking around set, I pretended to be a zombie so he wouldn’t try to bury me again. And, it worked! I’m free!

What a crazy experience. On August 11th, I told Rainn he could post something on my MySpace page and the next thing I know I’m locked in a car for 15 days. The days were brutally hot and the nights were cold.

I was touched by the number of people who came by to visit. Oscar played cards with me through the window. He even let me win once or twice. Amy Ryan sneaked food from the catering department. She knows how much I love their beef tacos. Creed played guitar for me at sunset. I saw Angela talking with Rainn but then she went away and I never saw her again. The same thing happened with B.J. and Mindy.

My 15 days in captivity provided me with a lot of time to think. I feel enlightened. And, while my captivity did not bring The Rocker box office to the numbers we had hoped I still saw the value of giving myself over to a cause higher than self. I've decided to use this experience to give back. And it starts now!

If you live in Los Angeles.., please join me on Sunday September 14th for The Furball at the Skirball the 10 year anniversary celebration and fundraiser for Kitten Rescue – the largest animal rescue organization in Southern California. (They saved over 1,000 cats last year.)

The Furball at the Skirball is an awesome event. There will be live entertainment, an awesome multi-course dinner, and a silent auction – featuring MANY, MANY signed items from the Office cast including a signed mug, signed script, signed DVD, a limited edition “Dunder-Muffin” suitcase (it was a joke inscription made exclusively for the cast and crew of The Office) and more. My friend Jennifer Gunn donated a Cupcake Courier! They also have trips, jewelry, and you might even be able to bid on the designer cocktail dress I’ll be wearing that evening. So, please come out and mingle for a good cause.

As many of you know, I’m passionate about animals. Before The Office I worked for 3 years doing hands-on rescue work with Kitten Rescue. In my time with the organization I personally fostered and placed 9 cats. That means that I would take a cat into my home, care for it, give it medical attention if it was sick and eventually find it permenant home. Kitten Rescue covers the cost of medical procedures, spay/neuter, and microchipping and they organize adoption fairs to help their foster volunteers place the cats into loving homes. It is a truly amazing network of animal lovers and the work is very rewarding.

Now our long, national nightmare is over. Welcome back Jenna!

[Free Jenna Now!]
[Rotten Tomatoes]
[Chicago Tribune]
[Jenna Fisher MySpace Blog]

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Updates: Beatles Monopoly

  • A new Beatles Monopoly game was released. Now you can own all the Beatles' catalog just like famed child molestor Michael Jackson! [Amazon]

  • Maybe you've heard of this Ron Paul guy? Every idiot you know likely has told you about him. Well, he had a convention at the same time as the Republicans and his was better with the costumes and whatnot. [Swampland]

  • Google created a web browser and will soon announce its' own government which we will all then switch to. The free market works, people! [Goggle's Blog]

  • No-longer-hostage Jenna Fischer wants to raise money for kittens, presumably for a presidential run, maybe. [Office Tally]

  • Who is Columbia gonna call to write the new Ghostbusters movie? The guys from the Office. [Variety]

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Dood! RNC Gestapo Pigs Arrest Amy Goodman!

Guns don't kill people. Cops kill people.Police arrested Amy freakin' Goodman of Democracy Now!, the independent, nationally syndicated radio show, outside the Republican National Convention. In the video, below, you can tell how dangerous and menacing she is.

Obviously she had to be taken down. Good journalists who actually report on things that matter have no right to not be arrested! And you may think she does not look dangerous. Well, you'd be dead wrong! After she escaped from Gitmo (where the rest of her fellow real terrorists are being kept) she went on a rampage. This is actual footage from the cable news that happened when you were too busy not watching cable news because how much dramatic hurricane coverage theme music can you take before exploding?

My God, what have we unleashed onto the unsuspecting American people?

[Washington Post Blog]

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Live Democratic Convention Coverage Is Crazy Fun!

Where is Walter Cronkite when we need him?I like MSNBC. It is funny. CNN is boring. Fox News is...retarded. But MSNBC is full of people who despise each other and say it on the air! I love live t.v!

Everyone at MSNBC probably should just get a little more sleep. This convention is tearing them apart! Why can't we just get along? Here is Chris Matthews losing his mind for no reason.

And then we have self-righteous, but usually correct and generally funny Keith Olbermann being an ass to major douchebag Joe Scarborough.

MSNBC can not get enough of tearing each other down as idiot Scarborough decides to be a major ass to another complete douche, David Shuster.

But they were not the only ones doing stupid things. Here is Fox News being eaten alive by protesting anarchist, liberal wolves. Then Fox reporter Griff "fratboy" Jenkins asks, as Fox reporters are prone to do at the drop of a hat (or accusations of bias), "Do you not believe in freedom?"

And if you want to know where any CNN videos are...well, there are not any because CNN is boring and nobody watches it. I can only assume Wolf Blitzer finally scalped Jack Cafferty like he has wanted to do ever since "the Cafferty File" was invented. I will try to confirm this from my pretend, unicorn sources.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Guess Whose Birthday It Was Yesterday...Kristen Wiig!

Soooooo pretty...She's the super pretty girl from Saturday Night Live who also happens to be one of the funniest members. Yesterday she turned 35. Videos below the fold.

[Comedy Central Insider]

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Kids Say the Darndest Things

There could be only one thing better than the Dark Knight. The Dark Knight done by kids.

[College Humor]

Friday, August 22, 2008

New Mitch Hedberg Record Soon

I got so much tartar (on my teeth), I don't got to dip my fishsticks in shit...Actually, that's kinda gross.The late comedian Mitch Hedberg made people laugh with the strange inflections in his voice and even stranger observations. Now you can hear some jokes off the soon-to-be-released Do You Believe in Gosh? (record two months before his death), out on Comedy Central records September 9.

Hedberg was one of the greatest comics of his generation (certainly WAAAAAYYYY better than better known MySpace-fueled, shitty comics who just yell and couldn't tell a joke to save their life) despite his shy and unassuming stage presence. Now watch some videos of his greatness:

You can read more about the man and buy his old records, some cool t-shirts and other memorabilia at his website:

[Punchline Magazine]

Updates: A Good Week for New Mexico and other State Stuff

  • People all over the country get to learn that John "No, My Wife Owns Those Seven Homes" McCain wants all the young people in Las Cruces to be drafted and go to war against every country in the world and kill everyone or Osama Bin Laden (whichever comes first). [YouTube]

  • A writer in Clovis thinks a town in New Mexico should change its name to Canton so Stephen Colbert makes fun of it as free publicity rains down on us all. [CNJ Online]

  • New Mexico may just be able to increase its number of disgraced Pakistani dictators leaders when exiled former Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf moves here! [PBS: Online NewsHour]

  • Hippies tried to burn down NMSU in 1969, but luckily super asshole Steve Pearce was there to stop it with his ASNMSU President superpowers. Well, today we have an asshole ASNMSU President. I guess now we have to burn down some administration buildings. [New Mexico Independent]

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Bat-Man

I came back from the track at about 11:45 PM tonight. Next to my door was a bat hanging on the wall. A gigantic, evil bat that wanted to kill me! But I kept my cool. I'm not afraid of a stupid bat because I'm a man, damnit!

Watch This Because It Is Great

As I stuck the key into the thing on the door where you stick the key, the bat flew away...or so I thought. Understand that my door is a well known loser and rarely allows for a simple turn of the key. It must be coaxed into actually working (kicked, verbally abused, etc.). So as I was trying to turn the key, hoping no pretty girl would walk by to observe me struggling with a key, the bat, foaming at the mouth, flew back over me. At that point I ducked like a little sissy girl because, like, damn, the thing could have rabbies or something!

There was also, maybe, a Putty from the original Power Rangers there. I can't be sure.

The thing about bats is they are indeed scary. Some people who even PRETEND to be part bat attack their mother and sister. I saw it on the E! Channel. Others are able to be rehabilitated. Take, for instance, the one from Brooklyn who then went on to run a daycare with other unemployed fathers. None of the children were even bitten if I'm not mistaken.

You can never be sure what you are going to get. Some are good until they sleep with Sarah Michelle Gellar. I fear for Freddie Prinze, Jr. Remember he had a t.v. show? It wasn't as good as his dad's, but I thought it was funny. Then it got canceled. I don't know why. I can only assume he turned into a bad bat and killed the other people working on the show. Probably not all of them (he doesn't seem that vicious), but enough to where the network figured it would be prudent to shut it down.

I think that's what must have happened and nobody can change my mind.

In conclusion, I almost died all the way to death tonight. Only my J.D-like reflexes saved me from certain danger.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Updates: The Worst Way to Celebrate a Successful Movie

  • Craig Robinson (Darryl on The Office) plays a character in the awesome new stoner film "Pineapple Express" then goes and gets arrested for possessing meth and ecstasy. [New York Times]

  • Creed, guitarist for the 60's band The Grass Roots and actor on The Office, creates his own slang. [Creed Thoughts]

  • If the love fest between China and Kobe Bryant goes an inch further, Kobe is going to be forced to buy his wife another gigantic diamond ring. [Denver Post]

  • If you want to make people at Fox News mad just mention that John McCain had an affair. Similarly, if you want to get away with cheating on your wife, make sure you have been a POW first. [YouTube via Wonkette]

  • Some kid meets Glenn Danzig and Olivia Munn (and is even in a video for a second with her) at Comic Con. [Everything You Don't Care About Forever]

  • Jon Stewart is still cool and people want to write about him. [New York Times]

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Rocky MMVIII: Obama v McCain

I'm Barack Obama and you're not.We already know Barack Obama is a secret mooslim, a radical christian, the anti-christ, the messiah, uppity, the most famous celebrity in all the world ever, a basketball player, an elitist, a professor, a lawyer, a Foreign, a librul, a lefty, best friends with Malcolm X and Scarlett Johansson and George Clooney, black, white, Hawaiian (or did I cover that with Foreign), unable to answer a phone at three in the morning, related to everyone everywhere, a drug addict, a gym rat, a known terrorist, the second coming of JFK, the second coming of RFK and willing to Lose the War™ to win an election. But what we did not know is that he is actually Rocky.

I find it strange that almost every clip has a black guys face plastered on a white body and white faces on black bodies. Which goes to show you: Rocky is a racist movie created by the KKK.

Bob Saget Hates You Too...Probably

Remember Full House? Bob Saget is not at all like his character. In fact, in this clip he looks almost presidential. Well, in that he calls a bird "the c-word," the same term of endearment John McCain uses to describe his wife.

Now, if Saget starts making crappy, terrible rape jokes, I will really start to wonder if him and McCain are the same person. Have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time?

[Funny or Die via Comedy Central Insider]

Friday, August 15, 2008

It's Like the Name Game, But Not at All

In the Putin's Russia, the records choose you!This is the scenario. Russia attacks your homeland 'cause they be all frontin' like dat. Soldiers burst into your room and demand you tell them what five records you would choose to save if you were being forced to choose (because you are, in fact, being forced to choose). In order to save the country you must list in the comments on this post which five records.

I shall start this off. Here is my list:

  • S.F. Sorrow by The Pretty Things
  • Revolver by The Beatles
  • Ascenseur pour l'échafaud (Original Soundtrack) by Miles Davis
  • The Dock of the Bay: The Definitive Collection by Otis Redding
  • Casting Shadows by The Black Hollies

Wow. That was way harder than I thought it would be. Go ahead and try...if you have the balls. Oh. And also, if you do not comment an answer, then you hate the troops more than they do and apple pie and puppies and Marvin Gaye singing the national anthem.


Troops Deployed Abroad Give 6:1 to Obama [OpenSecrets]

Updates: Maybe Not Ending But Certainly Changing

  • The Spanish basketball team is a bunch of jerks and they do not even realize it. [Slam Online]

  • Everyone in China loves Team USA Basketball. At least somebody outside the country likes us. [NBC Olympics]

  • Some veterans hate the stupid no-bid contractors in Iraq too. [Vet Voice]

  • Funny comedian Lewis Black to guest on NPR's 'Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me' on Saturday. [Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me]

  • By 2042, whites will no longer be the majority. Hispanics will immediately put up a fence along the Canadian border. [MSNBC]

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Have You Got The Fever!?!?!

Deadly Virus Sweeping China Is Just Olympic Fever

Olivia Munn Afraid of Balloons

So, I watched Attack of the Show and Olivia Munn was looking mighty fine (she's no Anna David though). Kevin Pereira decided to mimic a video they showed and pop balloons on Olivia. It turned out way less hot then it should have been because she is DEATHLY FRIGHTENED OF BALLOONS. [Attack of the Show]

Updates: The World Is Ending

  • A complete douche writes a poorly researched book full of erroneous information about Barack Obama and it immediately shoots to Number One. We Are Screwed.

  • Some people would not know good music from bad music if I kept slapping them in the face telling them which is which. MSNBC proves it knows little to nothing about music.

  • In case you missed it. MTV decides to murder 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' with a remake featuring new music. I can NOT wait for the Fall Out Boy featuring Soulja Boy produced by P.Diddy soundtrack!

  • Isaac Hayes memorial service scheduled.

  • Waiting for a Superbad 2? Keep waiting, but there may be a Pineapple Express, Superbad crossover movie. Probably not, but maybe.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Jenna Fischer Kidnapped!

Jenna Fischer, a.k.a. the cutest girl ever in the history of television and the world and probably every other planet in the universe, a.k.a. Pam Beesly on The Office (also my future wife), has been kidnapped by Rainn Wilson.

In what appears to be a desperate effort to get people to go see his new movie "The Rocker" which was all over My-freakin'-Space for weeks, Wilson vows to not let Fischer go until the movie grosses $18.7 million. At that time she will also receive a peach smoothie...and Wilson will probably be allowed to star in another movie and then go on to pull a David Caruso, leave The Office and fail.

Now, in a sign of the times, Wilson has created a website to raise awareness of his Pretty Girl Kidnapping. The first of what promises to be multiple videos has also been posted (starring Eddie Murphy and Robert Downey Jr.):

We need to save her now. This is a video from a few years ago of her on the Late Late Show:

Free Jenna Now!
Ransom Letter

UPDATE: Situation Resolved

My Olympic T.V. Experience

All day, all the time, on every channel, images of comic book-looking Olympic athletes bombard our eyes. None of us will ever feel adequate again. But on the plus side, even though the world is slowly melting down, the United States of Awesome should win a gigantic pile of gold medals which we will then use to prop up the failing U.S. dollar! And despite all of us being a fat slobs, we choose to cheer these people on to make ourselves feel better while using both fists to stuff doughnuts in our face. But did you know there are other countries trying to win too?

I've noticed a few things about all the countries and events. In China they play "The Final Countdown" by Europe during basketball games before critical possessions just like in the US. There are less belligerent, homoerotic magicians sadly.

There is a stereotype that Chinese people are short. But the Chinese basketball team has really good giants (including the 7'6" Yao Ming). And their small players are terrible. Shouldn't it be easier to find good short players if there is a larger pool to choose from? As far as I'm concerned, everyone in China is incredibly tall until someone proves it to be otherwise.

Michael Phelps is a freak and actually part fish. He is a mutant and should not be allowed to compete against mere drug-aided, normal people. In times like these, when we are faced with such creatures, we need the help of the Friends of Humanity and possibly Lou Dobbs.

Tennis is incredibly boring, but badminton is fun!

Women's (regular and beach) volleyball will be played on endless repeat in my head for the rest of my life.

If you aren't with us, you're against us...Bring 'em on...You see, you can't fool us again..."W" is still an idiot.

Gymnasts look like video game characters.

More to come maybe...

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


We all know the internet is a series of tubes. This is a fact and cannot be refuted.

On this interweb we get to read the brilliant insights of everyday, hard-working people (the "grassroots" if you will) about politics. We get to learn that the proper spelling of "your" is "ur." We get to social network with our real life friends, make virtual (pretend?) ones and even catch up with the people we went to high school with who went to the local, terrible university and still hang out with other people from high school, unable to let things go, trying to suck you back into the ol' clique to relive the glory days (yeah, that's a joke) back before the beer bellies and multiple children in only five short years, as if you'd be into that...isn't that why you went to a different school? You didn't even like high school. Why would you want to relive that crap? Prom was the worst day of your life, yet they want to pull you back down to their level of the stupidity, listening to the worst music, laughing at Dane Cook and You Don't Mess with the Zohan!?! What the hell!?!

Ummmm...where was I? Oh right!

But what is the most practical use of this powerful new tool? This is the answer:

Awesome Videos

Learning About History

Making Jerks Look Like the Jerks They Are

And that is the ONLY thing it is good for.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

In My Day People Never Died

So it's become pretty popular for famous people to die. It's now the "in" thing to do. The most recent celebrity death is that of George Carlin. Now, most people will remember him as a great, boundary-pushing comedian, but I'll remember him as Mr. Conductor on "Shining Time Station." He was Ringo Starr's replacement for the role. What a cool train station!

I watched the show a great deal in my younger years because it combined two of my favorite things: 1) trains and 2) more trains. Plus the my mom ran a daycare and I ended up helping (at least as much as a child can) take care of little kids for a great deal of my childhood. Also, I kinda had a crush on Didi Conn on the show (she has a weird voice, but I'm a weird guy so I guess it makes sense). Here's an episode from the amazing research tool known as "the YouTube."

Hummmmmmm. What else? Oh. Something completly unrelated. I hate the t.v. shows that come out during the summer. While watching the NBA Playoffs for the past couple of months I got the chance to learn everyone's summer schedule and they sucked! Especially ABC, which couldn't put a decent show on, it seems, without some really stupid reality competition gimmick. Then there's a modeling show on TV Land about older ladies and in the commercials the people keep on mentioning how gorgeous the ladies are, but they're not! Models are rarely attractive. Like barely ever. I just start yelling at the t.v., "What the hell is wrong with you, none of these people are good looking!" I can't stand models. Who picks them? Blah. Those people should die more often.

And while I'm reminded about the NBA Playoffs...the Boston Celtics won the Championship!!!!!!! My dad has been a fan of them for, I'm guessing, his whole life even though, I'm pretty sure, he's never been to Boston. Anyway, the last time they won a Title I was 15 months old and I can barely remember it. Okay, I can't remember it at all. After that Title came the death of Len Bias (overdose following the NBA Draft, when he was picked second overall by the Celtics thanks to some brillant maneuvering that gave the defending NBA Champs the pick), the injuries and retirement of Larry Bird and the death of Reggie Lewis (heart problems). But after over a decade of futility and just-barely-passable success, they won this year over the Los Angeles Kobe Bryants! The team I hate the most!

I don't think I've ever seen a group of people so happy. I can never enjoy sports because I always have a knot in my stomach until the game is over (assuming my team wins and plays well in the process), but I could finally relax after the final game...a blowout of record proportions.

I'm pretty sure I'll never be as happy as though guys were that night. When the game ended I didn't know what to do. I jumped up and down without yelling (it's hard to yell when you're by just feels kind of weird) and I sort of lost my breath trying to take it all in (not because I'm out of shape, I mean, I run three miles every other day...I have to be in some sort of shape, right?). But I didn't actually put in any of the work it took to win, so I can only imagine how those guys felt. (And then I made a HUGE bowl of Frito Pie for dinner because I couldn't eat during the games. And I drank a bunch of Pepsi in celebration.)

Friday, May 16, 2008

My Courtly Follies

I was in court today. My car was hit awhile back and they finally found the girl who did it. Since she hit the car and then ran I was pretty angry at the time, but finally, finally she would get in trouble, right? Well, no.

The first time I went to court a couple of weeks ago she wasn't there because they had forgot to inform her she was supposed to go. Great! I wasted a bunch of time that day, but whatever. I talked with the witness who actually saw her hit my car in the parking lot and he seemed like a nice guy. They reset the hearing for today and I, again, wasted a bunch of time to go.

When I got there I began feeling really nervous. First of all, the girl, Christina Wilder, was sitting with the witness and they were talking and joking. Then, I didn't notice the police officer there. I was only there to give them my bill from the repair shop. They looked for the officer, but they couldn't find him. So, the judge started the hearing and I got even more nervous.

It turns out the girl lawyered up and was contesting the whole thing. They say they contacted the police to talk to the witnesses, but the police never got back to them, therefore, the case is prejudicial. (But she knew the witness, so they could've interviewed him. I mean, he was sitting next to her!) And so, because the officer wasn't there, the judge dismissed the case.

Oh! The girl had this smug look on her face. This cocky-ass smile because she knew she had beat it. That made me even more angry. I really wanted to do something brash, but I just sat in my chair for a couple more minutes and tried to calm down. As I walked to my car, though, my pent up rage finally came out. You know, I hate people always trying to get out stuff by not taking responsibility for anything. There always seems to be some damn technicality or some conection they can exploit that I don't get access too. Or maybe I do get access to it and I just don't take it. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that sort of thing. I don't even like asking people to be a reference for me for a job. But I digress...

I was in my car on the phone explaining everything to my mom and I was getting louder and louder, cussing and whatnot. Finally, this officer comes over and says that he will arrest me for disturbing the peace if I don't quiet down. And at first I was a jerk to him, but after I calmed down I wanted to explain myself. This guy, I guess, understood where I was coming from after I apologized and he told me to just file a complaint on the officer at the University Police Station.

So, I went to the police station and I had gotten over wanting to make a complaint. Maybe he got sick or something, right? It could happen. I mean, he seemed like a really nice guy the couple of times I talked to him. I don't know why he would leave me out to dry all of a sudden. At the station they told me he was never issued a subpoena. He still should of known though because he's the one who wrote on my original subpoena the time of the new one, but whatever. Oh yeah. They also said that because it was dismissed, the officer may refile the case. Now I have to wait until Saturday at 10 pm to talk to him because that's the next time he works.

And I'm going to be there. I'm tired of people stepping all over me. I don't care if this girl gets a million lawyers. I'm going to make her life hell (within legal boundaries). She doesn't deserve to get away with this! I have insurance, but we still have a deductable. And I don't have much money. Like, at all. Why shouldn't she have to pay for the accident she caused because of her own stupidity?

So laugh now you stupid idiot. I'm not going to stand for this. You're not the only one who can take advantage of the legal system. I watch a lot of Law & Order!

I hate people who cheat! How can I be the one who follows the rules and still have two people hit my a parking lot...when I'm elsewhere? And then they just have to leave...never to get in trouble? It doesn't make sense!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A Letter (Not The Letter, that cool song by the Box Tops and also Joe Cocker)

Where do I begin? A lot of things have angered me greatly today. First, I don't work at the radio station anymore (the only place I feel at home at school...well, anywhere really). Second, the people who dig the station, like, really care and know it, also did not get the General Manager position.

I'm worried. Will everything change? We're all...well, we're all freaks really. All of us listen to different things and dress differently, kind of strangely. Somehow we all fit together though. It's pretty cool actually.

I mean, I look around everywhere else and it's all sameness. Everyone strives for this ideal, this stereotype of cool. But to me, to us, it's striving to be a douchbag or a asshole. Whatever. We don't fit into this "Bro Culture" that everyone is so into. I don't want to go into describing all the details. If you go to NMSU or live in the area, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, I suggest you look around at the people around you in class, at the store, at the movies. Listen to the way they speak, their jokes, their slang. Watch how they interact with each other, body language and all. Watch their style of dress. It's blandly the same. Monotonous. A dizzyingly pop culture vanilla-ness which permeates everything. And they want it. They crave it. They MUST be the same. It is comfortable. It is easy. Don't think. Do what the crowd does. "Ah, bro, do you remember that Dane Cook joke! It was so funny! Seriously, my bros and I laughed until beer came out our noses!" Just look at them. Doesn't it make you sick? Why makes one force their mind to close and simply join in?

I would like to think they're afraid. It's hard to be different. I know. You never know where you fit. We tend to seek out groups to give us a sense of belonging. I don't think anyone is above this. I know, I'm certainly not. But the big, major groups are too limited in their personality. There is no room for individuality. And that is what I fear KRUX will become.

Do we need another Rocket, Power 102, Hit FM or KLAQ? I say with conviction, "NO!" Refuse to be force fed your opinion! Strike out on your own and be different! I don't have the time, the patience or the will to point out the flaws in the music played on these mindless stations. Just know there is better stuff out there! Justin Timberlake? No, no, no. Otis Redding! Comtemporary emo? No, no, no. Fugazi! Today's pop "punk?" No, no, no. Buzzcocks! And there's tons of more. I don't know every band. It'd be impossible. But, the cool thing about KRUX is we each have a specialty or a few where we know everything. Just click on the KRUX page and message one of the top friends. I'm sure they'd be happy to suggest some stuff. Well, I haven't asked them, but they probably will. I certainly will. That's why I got into this!

That was a lot longer than I thought it'd be. Let's seeeeeeeeeeee... Oh yeah, earlier in the day I was in a class where the lecture was on the destruction of the Spanish armada. It was really interesting, especially the amount of mistakes and unlucky things that happened to the Spanish leading up to the destruction (a funny thing happened on the way to overthrow the English crown...). However, there was this one point the instructor emphasised. He said, "If Drake had not destroyed those barrels, we might be speaking Spanish today." He said it matter-of-factly. And it was true. If Spain had been able to win, they would have remained the major power at the time and controled the New World (Jamestown was founded on the land Spain gave up three years after Spain sued for peace after losing). So he says this and the girl behind me says, disgustedly, "Ew." She was grossed out at the thought of speaking Spanish! Like it'd make her less of a person!

Now, I don't speak Spanish. I define myself as Spanish, not Mexican, but I don't speak it. But if I grew up speaking Spanish I would have absolutely have NO problem with it. If I grew up speaking French, Japanese, German (maybe not German, it's kind of ugly...), Italian (which is awesome because I would get SO much more out of the Godfather movies) or any other language, it would be fine. Why would it matter? I wanted to turn around and ask her what her problem is! Or slap her (I couldn't hit a girl). Or something! Anything! What's your problem you stupid...ah!...RACIST! There, I said it! What else could it be? It's just a damn language!

Anyway, my head doesn't hurt, but I feel pretty numb. I wish I did drugs or drank because I should so be doing either or both right now. But alas, I refuse to. Like an idiot. I'm left with thinking. Playing things over in my head. Scenario. Scenario. Scenario. The only thing I care about at this stupid school has been taken away. I think I've reached my peak at a few months into my 23rd year of existance. Wow. That ended quickly. In conclusion, I would like to say, from the bottom of my heart, "I'm sorry," to the people who also care about this small, seemingly insignificant radio station nestled in a valley where a town of less than 100,000 people reside. I let you guys down by messing up stupid things that could have easily been done correctly. Things I could have and would have done correctly if I had been given another shot. Or a chance. I don't want to be shot. Not anymore (I've calmed down a bit). Now what? Where do we go from here?

J.D. "your fearful leader" Benavidez

P.S. Wasn't there, at one time, a thing that let you put what you were listening to while writing? I don't see it. But I'm listening to Soft Machine. The record is called "Vols. 1 & 2."

P.S.S. I got to sing "Gloria" at the station today with Archives. Actually, I yelled it. Poorly. I've always wanted to be singer in a rock 'n' roll band (Do doo do do do do doo do do do dooo. It's hard to describe. But that should sound like the part in the Moody Blues song "I'm Just a Singer (In a Rock 'n' Roll Band)." Just listen to the song and sing along to that part. It'll make sense). Eh. I'm not much of a rock 'n' roll singer.

P.S.S.S. I don't expect this to change anyone's mind or anything. If you agree with me, you'll agree with me. If you don't, you'll think I'm bitter and jealous. I would just like to say for the record that I am not jealous. I just wish people had more respect for themselves than to not question anything. Oh well. That won't work either. Anyway, it's not like I've ever changed anyone's life. I don't expect to start now. I'm just so very, very tired of it all and I don't know what else to do. Something as futile as a MySpace blog is lazy and pointless. And worthless. Chalk it up to my narcissism.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

There has to be a better place than this, right?

I should probably write about SXSW before I forget everything. Pretty much I spent time watching real cool garage bands play. I don't know a lot about new music, but I just found a band I liked, went early and heard similarly awesome bands.

My favorite band was the Black Hollies. They were all decked out in suits with frilly things and boots (presentation is very important). Basically, they looked like they should have been playing in 1967 England. Most importantly they sounded the part. Their drummer was a madman (Keith Moon style). People were dancing. It was great. I saw them twice and bought some cool stuff.

The second best performance I saw was tied between the Downbeat 5 and Magic Christian. The Downbeat 5 are a three-piece who play real basic rock 'n' roll. After their set I overheard an older gentleman describing it as, "A-B, A-B, Chuck Berry. That's all you need to do." During one of their songs I thought the packed in crowd would riot because of all the dancing! I'm not kidding either. Somebody could've been trampled. (On a side note, everywhere I went I was packed into a small space with a bunch of people and little security. Shouldn't terrorists target SXSW? I would if I was them. It would be so easy and make people terrified which, I believe, is their job. Terrorists are bad at what they do and should probably just give up.)

Magic Christian followed them. I thought that would have to be terrible. The Downbeat 5 had been so good. But Magic Christian stood up to the plate. Apparently, the lead guitar player was in the Flamin' Groovies and the drummer played in Blondie. The lead singer looked kinda like Mickey Dolenz (of the Monkees). They wore these skinny vertically striped, black and white pants. That and their Beatle hair made it a sight to see. Lots of people did see too because there was a window in the place that the band was in front of. A whole bunch of people stopped during their set outside that window. They were a weird looking bunch playing incredible music. During their cover of a Beatles' song (I can't remember which one because I was so wasted, okay, maybe not), everyone was singing, well, really yelling, at the top of their lungs every word. It was a lot of fun.

Let's see. I won't write any more, but I did also see (in order of how much I liked their performance): X, The Kills, The Night Marchers, Sons & Daughters, Paul Collins Beat, Coliseum and a bunch of others that I need to look up (I wrote this stuff down somewhere...). Almost every band I saw was really good (except Moby, who still sucks, and Chromeo, which is music that for the life of me I can't understand why anyone would like).

But other than the bands, I really did not like SXSW. By that I mean the people who were soooooo cool. Way to cool for me. In fact, I didn't talk to anyone but the servers at the restaurants (like Bonnie at IHOP where I ate about fourty times because it was next the the hotel...and because she was pretty, which never hurts). People are pretty stupid. I thought it was just this area, but no. I wish I could just stop watching the way people act with each other. It's sort of getting annoying.

Anyway, I also recently cut ties with people who are close to me, I guess (it's not like I've told them, I'm just keeping my distance). And now I don't have any reason to be here. So now I'm trying to decide what I should do next. I thought maybe grad school would be a good idea, but when I wake up in the morning and think about the way things have turned out, I pretty much want to just go back to sleep. Some people you think you're on the level with and then, poof, nope! Disappointing. Very disappointing.

I want to move to a place where I can get a job and there are cool bands coming through (to keep my mind off of the stupid people I have to deal with). Then I can just wait until retirement and come back to New Mexico (I'm thinking Santa Fe), buying NFL Sunday Ticket and never seeing anyone except when I have to buy food. Then again, I could grow my own food...nah, that's too much work. Plus I don't like killing things, but I love meat. I'll let other people kill animals for me. You know, do my part to keep the economy moving. U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! U...S...A!

Oh man! I can't wait to get old! And hey! At least my music will never desert or disappoint me. Also, I can get whatever installment of NFL Head Coach for whatever version of the Playstation is out then and never have to interact with people to have fun! And I'll have a hiking trail close by (I'll live just outside Santa Fe, like where my grandparents used to live), so that should be way fun! Man, things will be looking up fourty years from now!

Fourty years plus one:

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Finish Line

Read the title again....Good. Now. I'm going to Finland! Get it? You should read the title again and really think about what I just said…Finish-Finland…

Alright, that wasn't funny, but there's a writers strike so I've no material.

Anyway, I have one more semester to go before graduation (plus a couple of online classes to get a second degree) and I have no idea what I want to do or where I want to do the thing I don't know what I'll be doing. But I have some ideas what I can do and some skills I wouldn't otherwise have so I know college wasn't a complete waste (I also have a greater understanding of debt and how that works). So there is a lot of uncertainty, but I do have some ideas of what I don't want to do and here it is. I do not:

1) Want to live in El Paso or Texas in general, the east, or the south.
2) Want to travel around the world.
3) Want to be a dishwasher or janitor ever again.
4) Want to ever have a cockroach-infested apartment again.
5) Want Celebrity Apprentice to be on the air anymore.
6) Want to be shot at point blank range by a shot gun (other guns are fine)
7) Want to be all in a high pitched voice, "Na na na naaaaaah. Blah blah blaaaaahhh."
8) Want to have to ever move back in with my parents.
Number 9, Number 9) Want to be a loser who blogs on freakin' MySpace at two in the morning.

I need my writers.