Monday, September 24, 2007

Things are GREAT!

The Raiders finally won! And the Aggies don't have a losing record four games into the season! And the Birthday Bash was a success! Everything looks like it's going right for the ole "For Real Deal" (that's me by the way). It sure looks that way.

I think I've really lucked into a couple of things happening. For one, I have a great staff that is, for the most part, very ambitious. They kick ass. And they make me look better than I actually do (though not in pictures, where I look terrible recently). My flag football team (it's not mine) is good, but not because of me. We have added some good players and, though I haven't played horrible, have made up for my lack of talent or athletic ability.

I don't know. I should really be happy about everything that's happened recently. It's all just a distraction though. It just doesn't seem important...except for when I worry and stay up all night (like right now). I think I need to concentrate on school more. That means I'll be at work less (where I usually just hang out by myself) and at my apartment more (where I'll study by myself). Pretty good plan if I don't say so myself but I do (you should read that last sentence as one big run-on). I think I'd have more friends if I didn't hate being in large groups of people. I just get quieter and quieter until I leave. Unless I'm at a sporting event. But then I'm not "having fun," I'm sort of mad the whole time. And when the game's over my stomach usually hurts because my abs have been clenched the whole time.

By this time next year I should be in some other place doing some other thing. I'll put money on me not liking it. It's a special talent I have. But, after I leave and no longer have to pay for school (debt notwithstanding) and live by myself for the first time, I'll be able to get a phonograph and start a REAL record collection. That would be pretty cool. I'll throw all my effort into that, I think.

I kept hearing about his cat, Nick Drake. I decided to check his stuff out and it's really good. There's too much to listen to. I'm trying to learn so much about so many artists and styles. I can't be an expert in everything and it's KILLING me! And John Cale's version of "Heartbreak Hotel" is amazing! It's on my player thing on my page.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Apathy and Selfishness

Photograph showing Attorney General Robert F. ...Image via Wikipedia
Apathy is the worst disease. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. We're all so cool that we can't care about anything. Caring would expose us to how weak we actually are.

I say this because of something I heard from a student in a government class. He said his professor bestowed upon voting the classification of insignificant, saying the only reason we vote is to "feel good about ourselves." What a bunch of crap! This is the reason no one votes. "It doesn't matter," we tell ourselves, "What's the point?"

But there is a point. If everyone voted it would count. We let everyone decide everything for us. Stupid people. People who shouldn't given power at all. And we let them. These people are easily frightened by the crap politician spew all the time. God this. God that. Using God as their own personal meal ticket to political office. It's like doublespeak, you know? God is supposed to be loving and forgiving and the politicians say that's what they believe in too, and then turn around and state position as far away from loving it is almost comical (which is probably why the Daily Show and Colbert Report are so popular, they expose the comedy in the stupidity).

So everyone gets apathetic and gives up, thinking this is the way it always has to be. IT ISN'T! DAMNIT! Our generation gives up too easy. This goes for everything. We're just too selfish. We want to feel good, feel important. That's the reason why we're so apathetic. Nobody wants to be the one guy at a sporting event yelling all alone whilst the rest of the crowd looks on at this psycho (you shouldn't stare, it makes me feel uncomfortable). We HAVE to fit in and keep our pride; yet, we still want to be individuals. It's strange the way we brand ourselves.

We listen to crappy music because KLAQ and Power 102 tells us to. Then they call it "alternative" or "gangsta" and we buy it. It's still mainstream, homogenized crap (I've moved on from voting). Now we're different even though we're all doing the same thing, thinking the same thoughts, dressing the same. It's pathetic. The same thing goes for the t.v. shows we watch, the video games we play and on and on.

However, I don't think that it tricks us subconsciously because we still strive to be individuals in our own groups of like-minded idiots. This leads us to drug ourselves with alcohol or whatever else (drugs, perscription or otherwise, and any other addictions) we can get our hands on or do. Now we can't feel. Bad or otherwise

Then we're lonely and want to feel like part of a group. So we do the same stupid things we did to not feel like not individuals (because you can do the same things in a group setting too!). Oh, the fun in partying! And we all have the same craaaaazy stories!

I think that's how the peace movement fell apart. They were too selfish. What started in the 50's with the Civil Rights Movement (nearly completly unselfish) became a ghetto/slum exemplified by the Haight-Ashbury district in San Fransisco (then completly selfish). You see, being unselfish is hard. We don't want to do it. Nobody really wants to be a martyr. Not regular people at least. After awhile "free love" became just a bunch of dirty kids who protested because they had nothing better to do after waking from drug and alcohol induced stupors. The whole free love thing is a great idea, but we can't execute it. To do something for the betterment of everyone, you have to be completly unselfish. So you can say you don't want to hate, whatever, but you will eventually only be looking out for yourself. Whatever feels good TO YOU. No longer what IS good for everyone.

I can't stand that. But I'm the same way. I think I hate selfishness and apathy because I am the same way. It's not like I do anything. It's hard. Nobody's on your side. Everyone's too apathetic and nobody wants to be standing alone yelling for something nobody cares about. Maybe we all need the fear of God to make us act...OR...

We should care about more than just our image.

Did I go off topic? Probably. I don't want to go back and read everything over again. I hope I tied everything together. If not? I'm going to take a shower, brush my teeth and go to bed. I don't care.

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Wednesday, September 5, 2007

I Should Eat a Pony

I'm so happy now! I was finally able to run three miles without stopping! That may not sound like that impressive, but my knees have been hurting and keeping me from getting past 2.5 miles (not to mention being badly out of shape). I also run on the outside track, so it's more than tree miles (yeah, that's right tree miles, they're longer than normal miles). Running helps me clear my mind. Too many stupid things running through it (but I'm faster, damnit, stupid complicated situations).

And flag football starts next week. We actually look like we have a good team!

And I'm listening to a great song right now. "How Can Love Hurt So Much" by The Knack. It's beautiful. "There Goes My Gun" by Pixies is pretty damn good too (Media Player is on shuffle, at the radio station at one in the morning I can sing as loud as I want).

The Brothers Soloman comes out this week (with Will Arnet and Will Forte). Come on. Who wants to go see that too?

Saturday, September 1, 2007

I’m Looking for a New Friend

Image representing MySpace as depicted in Crun...Image via CrunchBase
Well, one of the three actual people on my myspace top friends thing deleted his profile. That means there is a spot opening up! I don't like having people I don't know on there (even though Demetri Martin is hilarious, I don't actually know him) I will be taking applications for an undefined period of time until I find that new friend. It could be you! But it probably won't be because I expect millions of applications.

Here are some of the qualifications and requirments for the job and the honor of being one of my top friends:

1) I like peanut butter cookies. If you can make peanut butter cookies or otherwise have some way of obtaining peanut butter cookies (i.e. you can murder a baker and steal cookies, or your mom can make 'em) that would be a good start.
2) You'll have to pass the cool test which consists of liking good music (as defined by me, the upmost authority on cool), liking Arrested Development (the t.v. show) and/or 30 Rock and liking Mitch Hedberg.
3) Having a large collection of movies is always a plus. I like comedies especially, but I also really like gangster (and gangsta) movies. I've seen The Godfather and Goodfellas a million times. And even though I've seen many others, I would like to expand my knowledge of those sorts of movies.
4) You'll be expected to listen to my pointed rantings on pointless topics that will eventually go off topic. Oh, yeah. I make everything about myself. I can't help it. I'm the subject I know the most about. And I will constantly talk about the same crap over and over again. The same bands. The same t.v. shows. The same movies. So have patience. And speaking of patients, I'm probably going to need knee surgery some time in the near future. So if you're a doctor, that's a plus.
5) You should probably be strange. I like odd people because they're interesting. Not strange people are boring.
6) And finally, I like money. I accept, in fact, welcome bribes. My job doesn't pay too much and I have amassed a nice little amount of debt while in school.
7) Oh...Also have interesting stories to tell. Even if they're not that interesting, I'm probably interested. I like hearing about other people's lives.

So there you go. Just shoot me a message on the myspace or email or a talking message (where you come up to me a talk). There may be two places available if I find two good friends. And don't be all lying to me about you're qualifications for friendship. I can probably trust my other top friends with anything, so that's important.

And if you want to know what I'll do for you as a top friend, well...I would probably kill for my top friends. So if you have someone you need..."taken care of" or just some cookies from a local baker (they've had it too good for too long), I'm your man.

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