Saturday, September 1, 2007

I’m Looking for a New Friend

Image representing MySpace as depicted in Crun...Image via CrunchBase
Well, one of the three actual people on my myspace top friends thing deleted his profile. That means there is a spot opening up! I don't like having people I don't know on there (even though Demetri Martin is hilarious, I don't actually know him) I will be taking applications for an undefined period of time until I find that new friend. It could be you! But it probably won't be because I expect millions of applications.

Here are some of the qualifications and requirments for the job and the honor of being one of my top friends:

1) I like peanut butter cookies. If you can make peanut butter cookies or otherwise have some way of obtaining peanut butter cookies (i.e. you can murder a baker and steal cookies, or your mom can make 'em) that would be a good start.
2) You'll have to pass the cool test which consists of liking good music (as defined by me, the upmost authority on cool), liking Arrested Development (the t.v. show) and/or 30 Rock and liking Mitch Hedberg.
3) Having a large collection of movies is always a plus. I like comedies especially, but I also really like gangster (and gangsta) movies. I've seen The Godfather and Goodfellas a million times. And even though I've seen many others, I would like to expand my knowledge of those sorts of movies.
4) You'll be expected to listen to my pointed rantings on pointless topics that will eventually go off topic. Oh, yeah. I make everything about myself. I can't help it. I'm the subject I know the most about. And I will constantly talk about the same crap over and over again. The same bands. The same t.v. shows. The same movies. So have patience. And speaking of patients, I'm probably going to need knee surgery some time in the near future. So if you're a doctor, that's a plus.
5) You should probably be strange. I like odd people because they're interesting. Not strange people are boring.
6) And finally, I like money. I accept, in fact, welcome bribes. My job doesn't pay too much and I have amassed a nice little amount of debt while in school.
7) Oh...Also have interesting stories to tell. Even if they're not that interesting, I'm probably interested. I like hearing about other people's lives.

So there you go. Just shoot me a message on the myspace or email or a talking message (where you come up to me a talk). There may be two places available if I find two good friends. And don't be all lying to me about you're qualifications for friendship. I can probably trust my other top friends with anything, so that's important.

And if you want to know what I'll do for you as a top friend, well...I would probably kill for my top friends. So if you have someone you need..."taken care of" or just some cookies from a local baker (they've had it too good for too long), I'm your man.


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